Music to my ears

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

Author unknown

I think one of the hardest things about being a mother whose babies are in heaven is that people quickly avoid the topic of loss.  I know this is because people don't understand, or they are afraid they will hurt my feelings, or they simply do not know what to say.  If Conner and Benjamin were here with us, at home, we would be talking about them nonstop, wouldn't we?  We would be talking about their sleeping habits, how they interact with each other, how tired we are staying up at night with two baby boys, and posting pictures of them everywhere to the annoyance of many.  But since we never got to bring them home, people have avoided talking to me about it like its some sort of plague.  It's like people think my bad luck will rub off on them or something.  This isn't the Ebola virus, people.

All I want to do is talk about my boys.  I want to hear their names, see their pictures, talk about how much we love them and miss them.  I want to plan how my boys can continue to make a difference in the world, what we can continue to do for them, and celebrate their presence at family gatherings.  My husband and I have been talking about how people expect us to be "over it" by now and have generally moved on.  They don't want to hear about or grief, or even hear about how happy our boys make us.

I can only hope that with persistence, we can change how people view infant loss.  So many people stay quiet about it, but we cannot forget that our babies were here.  There is an Infant Loss Awareness Day in October, and that bothers me - why isn't every day Infant Loss Awareness Day?  Are we so quiet on this topic that we had to set aside one day a year to talk about this? They are still here in many ways, watching over us and listening to us.  We should be talking about our babies in heaven everyday.

This will be my last post for a little while.  We're leaving for Bermuda on Friday.  Then, we'll be home for a couple of days only to leave town again for Mother's Day and the boys' due date.  Until then, I hope you all have a great couple of weeks!