instagram

Whew! I have had many comments and emails regarding keeping in contact with me if/when this blog ends. I fully intend on responding to everyone individually when I get some time, but for now I am posting my instagram info here, since so many of you asked. You can find me at: krystalg930

I don't have much posted there right now, but maybe I'll start using it more frequently as it is much easier to use than blogger :)

7 months

Weight: 16 pounds, 4 ounces
Length:  According to my measurements, no growth since last month, shorty!
Head:  I have no idea how to measure this, so we're waiting for your 9 month check up!
Clothing size: 9 months, all the way. Except the other day when you wore baby leggings, size 12-18 months. Explain to me how 9 month shorts are big on you but leggings need to be made for a one year old?
Eye color: Same.
Hair: Same. Man, this really making out to be a boring update, huh?
Nicknames:  More or less the same - I've started to call you "boo" and I can't decide if I mean "Boo" from Monsters, Inc. or "boo" like some weird terms of dating endearment. "Babes" is really popular right now, too.

EAT

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just like mom and dad, your favorite is breakfast. Your dad even tried your cereal the other day...mixed with breastmilk. "Not bad," he declared.

SLEEP

7:30 pm to 7:30 am. You still hate napping, but how much do I want to mess with that considering you sleep 12 hours a night?  The answer - not even a little bit.

LIKES
Once, your cousin E told me that eventually you would not like things that lit up anymore.  She was right.   It's not that you don't like toys that light up - you still do, but now you've found that toys don't necessarily have to do things for them to be fun.  For example, I think your favorite things right now are water bottles. Not the fancy kind that are reusable, but the Ice Mountain kind that comes right out of the fridge. You happily gum on the bottom of them and when we take it away, you scream. Yeesh.

I mean, seriously, can we talk about the things that amuse you?  We painted a pot for your Uncle P as a housewarming gift (well, I slopped some glitter paint on your feet, stuck you in your bumbo, and let the good times roll). You cared not at all about the paint or the gift we were making, but instead focused all of your attention on the fact that your baby wipes were right. next. to. you. You kept reaching and grabbing for them and your face lit up every time I took a wipe out to clean off your feet.

Also on your list of likes - paper towels. The damp ones I use to wipe your face during mealtime, to be exact. You hate the actual act of having your face wiped, but the paper towel fascinates you.

You love listening to the church band play, and will happily gum on whatever toy I give you and listen.

Toys I bought for you awhile ago that you had no interest in are suddenly the best things ever, like the electronic book that plays the most annoying music ever (sorry, but it does).

You love being tickled, watching cars drive by (especially the garbage truck and school bus), and starting random conversations with your feet.


DISLIKES
School. Grandma takes you there to pick up your cousins when she is babysitting you, and apparently you scream your head off the whole time. No one approaches you, but the crowds of people picking up their kids (and probably the actual kids running out of school) annoy you to no end. Your cousins try to calm you down on the way home, which works sometimes. My mission is to get you used to crowds and noise, because someday babykins, you will need to be part of all of this. Although you are okay in church with all those people and loud music, so....

You get aggravated when you can't get a toy to do what you want it to do and scream at it. I try to mimic the high pitched scream you have, and you think it is funny. Then you scream some more.

We recently found that you do not like men, although you love your daddy and seem okay with your Uncle P. Otherwise, it's screams for miles and miles and miles.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Basically all the same stuff, but way better. For example, you can sit for a much longer period of time. You can drink from your sippy cup without getting all wet. You can play peekaboo with your blankie, and you think this is hilarious.You are talking way more now, and the other day it sounded like you said your cousin E's name. Three times. While you were with her. I also think you've said "hi" to me multiple times. It definitely sounded like "hi" but I have yet to determine if this was on purpose or not. You've tried saying "hi" to other people when they say hi to you and it sounds more like "ha," but it is the. cutest. thing. ever.

About a week before you officially turned 7 months old (okay, it was September 6th, 2015 - who am I kidding? I know the exact date), I saw you belly crawl to a toy. It wasn't far, but I still squealed with joy - much to your utter confusion. The next day, we went over to your uncle's house and you played with all of your cousins, who urged you to crawl and I kept thinking "she won't do it again, especially after I told people she could do it." And then you did it, again and again and again, and I even got it on video.  Tummy crawling counts, babykins. You can crawl!  Although, you will only go so far  - if the toy seems too far away, you roll to it instead. And you will only go as far as you have to go - you'll army crawl to a toy and when it is still just out of reach, you'll stretch the rest of the way to get it. But still, I am so proud of you!

Guess who could stand holding onto something without mommy's help? JORDAN (duh). The day after you started crawling. I can barely keep up with you!!!  You hold on to your sit-to-stand walker very well, gnawing on the handle the whole time.

DEAR JORDAN

Dear babykins,

I can hear you in your room right now, talking to your daddy while he gets you dressed for today. Our mission? To go out to breakfast and then to the mall, where you will encounter crowds of people. Look, babes, the crowds love you. You need to learn how to love the crowds.

So many things are happening right now.  Your daddy is on light duty, having been hurt at the FD.  I am finishing up my master's degree. Our house us up for sale. We have our heart set on a house in one of the best school districts in the state, on an acre of land where you can run around and play to your heart's content. We have big dreams for you and want to give you the very best.

But at the same time, I know that as you get older you will get hurt. You'll fall down, get your heart broken, lose people you love, and feel left out. I won't always have magic words to make you feel better. I just hope that you remember how much you are loved, no matter what happens. Horrible things happen in life, and they shape who you are and who you will become. Do not let the negativity change you for the worse. Allow them to shape you for the better.

If at any point you do not know your worth or have lost your way, remember the two people that will always love and and do anything for you: me and your dad. And if you're at that age where going to your parents is "uncool," you've got some "cool" aunts and uncles who will also do anything for you. Not to mention the plethora of family members and friends who love you with all their hearts.

This is a little deep for a 7 month old, huh?  But I hope one day you read all the letters I have written you when you need a little pick me up. And right now, I'm going to literally pick you up while I still can.

I love you, my babykins-munchkins-babyboo-babes.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Your first word better be "mama."


Monthly photodump

Give me that camera!

See my feet???

We brought our baby... to a bar. Everyone loved her.

Her first ponytail!

ponytail aftermath

Brought her to the university... she's so big. 

Good book, Jordan?

Long legs!

Pigtails!

We love the mall, especially when daddy gives mommy his credit card!

Like this, mom?

Straight chillin.

Yummy!

Rubber ducky love. 

Decisions

So life has been pretty, well, insane lately. I always  mean to blog and keep up with everyone, but other things get in the way.  Right now, our house is up for sale and with the constant stream of people coming in and out, I am constantly cleaning. Throw in a very mobile 7 month old and a dog that sheds bucket loads everyday, and every spare second I have goes to cleaning. Tim is still off duty and to be honest, I don't even want to talk about it, which means it MUST be bad because this blog is my place to vent and let out whatever is on my mind. I am trying to finish my master's degree, and we are talking about a possible FET in December.  Jordan refuses to wean and yeah - my time is spent.

I don't want to have a pity party, so I will let everyone know that I'm happy. Our house is up for sale because we are finally in a position to get our "forever home." Jordan is still a mommy's girl and I love every second of it. Tim is hurt but the important part is that he will get better. We have 7 embryos still waiting for us, and I get to go back for all of them when the time is right (one at a time, of course).

Back to the point of this post.

I started this blog because I wanted to talk about Conner and Benjamin freely. It was, and still is, a place for me to share my boys, think about them, grieve over them, love them, and reflect. It has been the single most important part of my healing, next to my husband. I also loved that by sharing my story, I could possibly bring some sort of comfort to any other mother going through a similar loss.

But I'm looking through my blog and it has evolved into something for Jordan. I hope it brings hope to people who are still looking to expand their family after loss. However, at the same time I just don't think this is really what this blog is supposed to be about. But my life is in a different place right now, and I just am not writing about Conner and Benjamin the way that I should. It's not that I dont think about them constantly and include them in everything I do. They are my sons and I love and miss them. I haven't moved on. But life has taken my writing in a different direction.

I am taking some serious time to reflect on whether or not I am going to say goodbye to this blog, this sacred space to me. In the meantime, I am still planning on posting, but I did want to write a note here letting everyone know that this may come to an end unless I can justify not writing about Conner and Benjamin.

The support I have gotten here still means the world to me, and even if I decide to stop blogging I am hoping that I still maintain the friendships and connections I've made through other avenues (instagram? email? Not FB, screw FB).

Love to everyone.