Fish Bite Moonbeams: Conner and Ben

Our last ultrasounds of them

December 23, 2013

Conner and Benjamin are my two baby boys, born too soon for this world. They are my guardian angels, my first children, my greatest gifts. They are best friends, the loves of my life, my inspiration for everything I do. They are the reason this blog exists. Their birth story was supposed to entail two spring babies coming home in April, dressed up like little firefighters in their bunker gear. Instead, they came to me on January 10th, 2014, perfect in every way. A freak infection took them from us.

I am grateful for the two hours they spent alive in my arms, for the 22.5 weeks that I carried them, and for the fact that they existed at all. I am grateful that we were able to have them baptized before they passed and that they are safe with God now. I am proud of how hard they fought and how big they were (trust me... they were. No one expected them to be so big). I am so honored to be their mommy, but so sad I never got to bring them home. We were robbed of precious memories we should have had together. I can never make this up to them, but I am going to try for the rest of my life to honor their lives.

This blog started because of them. In an effort to reach out to those going the heartbreak of losing a baby, I put Benjamin and Conner's story out there for the world. I also wanted them to be remembered, and this blog is my way of capturing every moment and feeling I had while I had them and after they passed.

Godspeed and sweet dreams, my little men.

6 comments:

Linda AndersonApril 11, 2014 at 9:12 AM
They are beautiful. There beauty is beyond words. I am so very sorry for your loss of your twin sons. I to lost twin boys at 24wks4days. And a daughter at 22wks and a son at 22wks. Before God blessed me with 3 wonderful sons. I am also angel grandma to 4 sweet angels too. My grandson Matthew passed away at 4 months old. It will be 2 years in August. I will keep u in my prayers and thoughts. And I pray that when u try again in May. That your rainbow will come home in your loving arms mama. Sending u so many loving hugs.
Hannah RoseJune 28, 2014 at 9:07 AM
Hello, I found your blog through your comment on my blog. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious twin boys. They are truly beautiful. Anytime I hear of someone whose lost twins, it breaks my heart. I have twin aunts and older twin brothers and have always wanted twins myself, so multiples have a special place in my heart. <3
andthewindscreamsmaryNovember 8, 2014 at 6:51 PM
Hello there. I found your blog while perusing others. I am so very sorry for your losses. While not the same circumstances, I have lost two babies as well - the first at 19 weeks this February, the second at 13 weeks this September. I am so sorry for what you've been through and thank you for sharing your story and theirs.