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Twenty-sixteen. I have no idea what my future holds.
Last year (ha, that seems weird - that was technically yesterday) brought me so many blessings when I thought I would never be happy again. My daughter was born. Everyday with her is a gift. I was still able to keep the memory of my boys alive while also parenting a baby here on earth. My mom's cancer went into remission. My husband and I shared in countless memories that included selling our home, putting an offer on a new one, going on trips and vacations, and celebrating yet another year together. My life feels whole, although there is still a hole in my heart. It seems conflicting, but it is real. I miss my sons, not just every year or with every milestone - but every day. But at the same time, they are always with me and every day I am so grateful that they ever happened to me in the first place.
This year will see Jordan's first birthday, us moving into our "forever" home, a family vacation with my parents, and maybe another baby (which will mean I will have had babies in 2014, 2015, and 2016 - whew!). But there is still so much that worries me. Tim's work injury. My dad had a biopsy and I'm praying it is not cancer. The fact that I am gaining weight like crazy and wtf is going on (okay that last one is really stupid, but yes, it is bugging me).
Twenty-sixteen. I have written about how I did not know if I was going to keep writing here. It has been such a gift to me to be able to write about my boys, and then subsequently my daughter, on this blog. It has been by far the most therapeutic thing I could have ever done. But I have already decided that I know I can move forward with my life, and keep my boys in my heart, without writing here anymore. And, because I am a super planner, I have already decided when my last blog post will be. And it's coming up soon.
If anyone is still reading this, happy new year - I hope it brings you love, light, and joy.
