If you seek my monument, look around you

I struggle everyday wondering if everyone will forget about Benjamin and Conner.  I already feel like people expect us to be "over it" and to move on.  I hate that phrase.  Move on.  It's like we're leaving them behind. I can't do that.  What kind of legacy will Conner and Ben leave?  Ultimately, that is up to Tim and I.  I want their names everywhere - I want them written down, leaving a legacy.  Long after Tim and I are gone, I want something to remain of my boys.

We wanted to do something to commemorate our boys' existence.  They are still here, and everyday I look around thinking that they are somewhere near me, watching me.  We planted 45 trees in memory of Conner and Ben, one tree for each boy and the 22.5 weeks we had with them.   Forty-five trees will grow in the Superior National Forest, and Conner and Benjamin's names will remain in the forest registry.  We also planted 27 trees for our Pastor's son, who died when he was 27 (a better than you gift than a Chili's gift card, don't you think?). It was not until after we had those tree planted that we found out that one of his son's favorite places to visit was Superior National Forest.

Superior National Forest

Autumn in the Superior National Forest 

I also wanted their names written in the stars. Literally. I am a huge NASA nerd.  I often coax my husband into watching the "From the Earth to the Moon" miniseries and any other dvd I have that is NASA related.  The last day of our honeymoon was spent at the JFK Space Center.  We were gone for two weeks on our honeymoon, traveling to Fort Lauderdale, Jamaica, Haiti, Mexico, and Cape Canaveral.  I took 1,011 pictures during those two weeks.  Thirty-seven percent of them were from the one day we were at the JFK Space Center (374 pictures).  Anyway, my point is - I really wanted to be able to look up at the stars and find Conner and Ben's stars. They have a projector in their nursery that puts stars and their respective constellations all over the ceiling. I know that star registries are gifts rather than actual naming systems that astronomers use.  But I still loved the idea.  We held off on it, though.  Apparently, it is more important to pay medical bills.  When did we become adults, and how do we make it stop?

Two days ago, we received two packets in the mail from a Star Registry. Tim's dad (Bob) is in a church band.  They had the idea awhile ago to name stars after the boys and brought it up to Bob.  He was floored.  He told them what a huge NASA geek I was (so is Bob - we often have long conversations about NASA history and we even met Dr. Harrison Schmitt together. He was last person to stand on the moon and the only scientist to travel to the moon - but that story is for another day).  He also told them that the baby shower theme was "Love you to the Moon and Back."  So obviously, he was surprised that they chose this to do for the boys - a coincidence, and a perfect gift.

Benjamin's star is located in the Aquarius constellation, with a magnitude of 9.02  (Fun fact: Apollo 13's lunar module was named Aquarius, which ended up serving as a lifeboat for the three astronauts on board).

Aquarius

How they got a man pouring water from that star formation is beyond me.

Also, see that fish at the bottom?  That's where Conner's star is located.  

Conner's star is located in the Pisces constellation with a magnitude of 10.06.  I have no fun facts about Pisces, except that the image it is supposed to represent is somehow more feasible than Aquarius.  

Pisces

Fish. (Bite Moonbeams)

As we slowly approach Mother's Day, I am constantly trying to figure out more ways to honor my boys. Tuesday, Tim is getting his tattoo of their footprints.  I'll be sure to update with pictures.