Bermuda: part 1

Ok, so this post isn't really going to address Bermuda, but rather the events leading up to it.  I feel like I can't quite post anything about our trip without writing about what happened the week leading up to boarding that plane.

Well, we all know that this trip kinda messed with the May FET cycle so I was kinda bummed about that in the first place.  But then I let it go and decided I was happy to go on a trip and just do whatever I wanted... no worries about shots, no medications, and unlimited amounts of alcohol to be had.

But then we got a notice that we are getting audited.  Awesome.  Just what I wanted.  The audit was scheduled to take place while I was in Bermuda, but we had to schedule it for JUNE 4th.  Unbelievable.

Not the worst part.

My parents picked us up to take us to O'Hare.  They had just gotten back from a doctor's appointment.  The doctor thinks my mom has cancer.  Lymphoma, to be more specific.  We won't know anything for sure until the biopsy results come back on May 12th (coincidentally, the boys' due date).  But they found two masses in her throat and behind her nose, and so far all her symptoms point to cancer.  As you can imagine, I am just thrilled that God has chosen me again to go through the torture of possibly losing another loved one.  And my mother, of all people.  Thanks, Big Guy.

My mother moved here from the Philippines to be a nurse.  She's the charge nurse in the oncology ward.  No one is missing the irony here.  She moved here so that she could send money back to her family, who struggles to make ends meet.  She has a huge family.  She met my dad, and paid for all of his family from the Philippines to move here to the U.S.  She had my brother and I, and worked night shifts at the hospital so she could be with us during the day.  Just a few years ago, she paid for my uncle and his three daughters to come to the U.S. and supported them for years until they were able to support themselves.  She is selfless. She has given me anything and everything I have ever needed or wanted.  She's stayed up with me at night when I had headaches and just brushed my hair, which would be the only thing that made me feel better. She spent thousands of dollars on baby clothes and other nursery items the minute she found out I was pregnant.  She is always there when anyone needs her.  Even when she is at home, she is always on call when another nurse needs her.  She cooks huge meals when she finds out my husband is coming over.  She's always doing things for other people, never for herself. And now we may lose her.

So I practically went kicking and screaming to the airport like a little kid, not wanting to go.  The only reason I boarded that plane to Newark was because my mom's tests wouldn't be done until after we got back, so staying home wouldn't do anyone any good anyway.  I called my mom before I boarded and told her I was worried.  I could tell she was upset but she told me not to worry and to have a good time. So I listened to her.

I still found a way to shut my mind off, at least for a little while.  The ocean does that for me.  It reminds me to just stop whatever I'm doing and be in the moment.  The world is such a beautiful place that it is hard to be focused on a worried future. I would love to go on a vacation like that with my mom soon. Tomorrow or Saturday I will post about our trip and post some pictures.