Random Acts of Kindness for Conner and Ben

Dear baby boys,

One of my goals as your mother is to not let your memory be grief.  You were, and still are, the best things that have ever happened to me.  The hours I spent with you are worth more than a lifetime with anyone else. You left a legacy of love, and you are touching people all over the country.  I am so humbled to tell you that on your birthday, people were spreading kindness in honor of both of you - my two sweet, perfect little men.

It may have seemed strange that I did not cry on your birthday.  But when I heard and saw how people were going out of their way to act in love just for you, my heart couldn't help but feel full.  If I did cry tears, it was because I was so moved. I promised you that your story isn't over yet, and there is a huge group of people out there helping me to make sure that your book never closes.

I can't do many things for you. I can't feed you, change you, hug you, kiss you, take you to the zoo all the time like I planned to - but I can do this. I can spread kindness and hope that the world is a better place simply because you both exist.  I refuse to believe that you are gone.  You are everywhere - I find you in uncommon places and in all the beautiful things in life.  Whenever I ask you boys for something, you never fail to come through - whether that is me asking you to help me talk to your dad, or when his truck broken down on your birthday and I asked you to help us get home safely - you are always there. You are bigger than us. You are always watching, I know.  While I wish that you were here with me, safe, healthy, and happy, I know that as long as I live, you will never truly leave this earth.

I hate to use the term "until we meet again," because you are here. So baby boys, thank you for everything. This is not the end of your story - it has only just begun.

Love,
Mom

Random Acts of Kindness done for Conner and Benjamin (and messages are still coming in!)

Our friends and family have:

• released balloons in Florida (while on their Disney vacation!)
• given money to a struggling family
• donated dog food to an anti-cruelty society
• bought a movie for someone
• bought a load of laundry for a stranger
• paid for a person's postage at the post office
• given big tips to their waiters/waitress (multiple people - how great!)
• given away Barnes and Nobles gift cards
• stopped by with balloons and stuffed animals for their party
• given out starbucks gift cards to strangers
• given friends and family compliments
• fixed music free of charge
• bought dinner for someone dining in the same restaurant
• gave out cupcakes at our favorite breakfast place
• begun a new tradition: RAOKs every week for Conner and Ben :)

I have to say that some of the most wonderful things were done by you, my blog readers.  We have never met before, but I constantly feel the love and support from all of you.  Please know that I can never repay you for your kindness - my gratitude is immeasurable. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing Conner and Benjamin's story with me.  

• Cat - bought a plot  in a community garden in the hospital where her sweet boy was lost to SIDS. She bought this plot for the next recipient, someone I am sure will be incredibly grateful for this gift. This was actually the first RAOK to be done in memory of our boys. The days leading up to their first birthday were incredibly difficult for me - I was filled with fear, anxiety, and sadness.  But reading her email and the letter she wrote to the hospital regarding the RAOK gave me the strength to face their birthday with as much positivity as I could.

• Amanda - made giraffe and puppy hats to be donated to the hospital.  How talented is she?! I am in awe of how adorable these are. Many of you already know this - the only things I was able to give to my boys from home were a wind-up giraffe and a taggies puppy.  Giraffes and puppies are now a big symbol for Conner and Ben in our families. The hats she made are the perfect size for micropreemies (like the boys) who do not often get anything made for them.

• Chicken  - bought a gift certificate for her friend (anonymously) and also one for a future RAOK (which I love!).  She left a generous tip in a tip jar. She also lit candles for the boys and included a puppy and giraffe. She is currently pregnant with her rainbow baby, and bought two books for him in honor of Conner and Benjamin -  Goodnight Moon and Guess How Much I Love You.  She didn't know this when she bought those books, but Goodnight Moon is my favorite book to read to the boys and Guess How Much I Love You is where the phrase "love you to the moon and back" comes from.  We think maybe two little boys helped her pick out those books :) She plans on saying a little prayer for the boys whenever she reads these to her baby.

• Carrie - bought amusement park tickets for two little boys whose mother could not afford them... and it was their birthday :)  Coincidence, or meant to be? I'm so happy that she could make a birthday for two little boys so much better, and I know this family will never forget her kindness and generosity.  I feel like maybe Conner and Ben had something to do with this! Also, check out the giraffe ride! 
• Deborah  - bought a violin for her elementary school orchestra.  There are many students who cannot afford to purchase a violin, and this gift will spread happiness and kindness for years to come.  This is incredibly generous. Tim and I are big on music in our house and we are so happy to hear that this gift was spread in honor of our boys. Even more so, I am in awe that this gift will keep the memory of Conner and Ben alive long after their first birthday. Whenever I hear a violin now, I will think of this. 
• AHH GMA (I will use the screen name she uses to post here) - This is one of my favorites. She bought coffee for someone, and then set up a jar at the coffee shop to collect dimes in with the following note: "Hello Friend, I am asking for any dimes you might have.  Today is the 1st birthday of two little boys who were born too soon.   They blessed their parents with a lifetime of love in a few short moments.  They left this earth on the day of their birth.  Since then, their parents find dimes in different places, a sign that their boys are with them.  Any dimes that I collect will be donated to the March of Dimes in memory of Conner & Benjamin."  By the end of the day, she was able to collect over $200 for the March of Dimes!
• Elizabeth  - she and her husband paid for someone at Starbucks, gave their waitress a 100% tip, and went to nursing home and handed out flowers.  I was really, really hoping someone would go to a nursing home!  My husband is a paramedic and is always stopping by the nursing homes on calls.  Those residents need some love and are so often overlooked.  How wonderful that she and her husband would spend their money and especially time to bring some light into their day!  So many of us forget to donate our time, which is a priceless commodity.  

That's not even all :)  Many people did their RAOKs anonymously, so there are acts of kindness being spread that we do not even know about. Everyone who has participated, whether we know about it or not, has a special place in our hearts. They say that it takes a village to raise a child.  I can't tell you if that is true or not (but in February, I can).  But what I can tell you is this - it takes a community of people to keep a memory alive.  I cannot do it on my own. You have all helped me to keep Conner and Benjamin alive in the hearts of so many. From my heart to yours, please accept my sincerest thanks. 

Tim and I did small things throughout our day: bought coffee for the person behind us and bought two cupcakes for the next two people to come in after we picked up the boys' birthday cake. I really wanted to be able to do something meaningful that day, and after much deliberation and thinking I decided to donate to Project Night Night. This organization takes books, blankets, and stuffed animals and creates a comfort basket for homeless children.  I donated a giraffe and a puppy (of course), two blankets with a firetruck embriodered on the edge, and two books: Guess How Much I Love You and Llama LLama Red Pajama.  

There is a line in Llama Llama Red Pajama that always brings me to tears: 

"Mama Llama's always near, even if she's not right here." I am always near, boys - if you ever need anything, let me know.