31 weeks. 2015, here we come...

Dear 2014 (you asshole),

My boys died 10 days into the New Year. Every day since then, I've been struggling on how to live without them.  Who is taking care of them?  Do they miss me?  Are they happy?  All year, I haven't felt like myself. I feel empty and guilty and sad and a million other things that I can't even keep up with. 

And then you loaded all kinds of other shit on me.  My mom got cancer.  My grandfather died. Everyone got pregnant and it was lovely when they shoved their happiness in my face.  I lost friends. I lost my sanity. I'm still looking for it. 

But about halfway into this year, I also got pregnant with my daughter. I felt her kick for the first time. I feel hopeful. 

So, 2014, I'm not sure whether to tell you to go fuck yourself or thank you for at least trying to regain some of your dignity. You can't make up for what was taken from me, but at least you gave me my little girl. 

2015, I have high expectations.  But considering 2014 was so shitty, it shouldn't be hard to live up to them. Just don't kill anyone, okay?  

How far along? 31 weeks. Hot damn.
What's happening with  baby? Baby Center says she is over 16 inches long and weighs over 3 pounds. She can turn her head and she is getting "fatter" every day.  Aw, reminds me of when I nicknamed her "fat baby" because I was gaining weight so quickly.
Total weight gain: Haven't weighed myself.  Not sure if I care anymore.
Maternity clothes?  Yes and no.  Yoga pants still fit. The shirt I'm wearing is a maternity shirt (*gasp*), handed down to me courtesy of my sister-in-law.  I love free stuff, especially when I am too cheap to buy things I won't use in another two months.
Stretch marks? NOPE!  Could it be that some luck has hit me???
Sleep: I went through two rolls of toilet paper last night on pee breaks. That should say enough on how I'm sleeping.
Miss Anything? Being able to wax my legs without having to adjust my belly. Since it's getting difficult, my legs are, well, shall we say - gearing up for winter?
Difficulties this week: Baby C's NST was not good on Monday - she almost failed it. But it was naptime, and she woke up at the time I told the OB she would.  However, he warned me that if I had been 32 weeks along and not 30... she would have failed.  Naturally (well, for me), I though that eating a crapload of sugar would do the trick to get her to wake up and move. I left the OB's office with a shirt dirtied with crumbs.  I'll bring a bib next time.
Movement: So last night was interesting.  Apparently, she was super excited for the New Year because she kept me up all night kicking me - HARD.  I mean, the kind where I was practically begging her to take a nap.  Also, the term "lightening crotch" has a new meaning to me - I swear, this girl was tap dancing with high heels in my vagina.  While also riding a roller coaster. While also practicing karate. She could be the new Charlie's Angel.
Food cravings/aversions: Changes daily, but right now I want some damn pancakes. Tall stack, please, and keep 'em coming.
Symptoms: Fingers are starting to swell, so I've taken to not wearing my rings as much lately.
Looking forward to: Getting this nursery done. My office is being painted as I type this (thanks dad!) and all my office stuff is crammed into the nursery temporarily.  I'm "nesting" right now so you can imagine how deliriously insane this is making me!