Apologies, kind of. Swearing abounds.
Today I am 13 weeks pregnant.
Monday, I went to the OB with some minor bleeding that ended up resolving itself. Baby had a heartbeat in the 160s.
Yesterday, I had a dream that I was bleeding all over the place and couldn't make it stop. I was having a miscarriage.
Today, during our NT scan, they found a placental bleed.
Well, that is just fucking great, isn't it? I've been praying to keep this baby safe from infection and incompetent cervix and preterm labor. I completely fucking forgot to say hey, God, no placental bleeds either, please.
It can fix itself. Or not.
I can still have this baby. Or not.
We were getting ready to tell people about this baby. In 3 weeks, we find out the gender.
But now I'm going to crawl into my hole and hide this, because I'm sick of being the reason why everyone is upset this year. I'm also sick of stupid questions.
For some reason, today I randomly remembered someone asking Tim which one of the boys died first. Kindly get fucked, you idiot.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry for the stress, heartache, uncertainty and lack of decency of other people. I had the same thought when Preston passed. I'd pray every night that God watch over Preston as he slept, as we slept. And he passed during a nap at daycare. I had the exact same thought. Are you freakin kidding me? Come on!
ReplyDeleteI know this isn't much for comfort, but wanted you to know you aren't alone and really, this isn't because you didn't pray for this one thing. I don't think God would be that cruel. But it certainly does a work up to your faith.
I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you, for Tim and for baby C. Keep the faith love.
I just lifted my head and saw a pretty rainbow. Wanted to share. I know it's tough, I know hanging on to hope can be so hard on the soul, but this rainbow gave me hope and it felt like it was meant for you. Hugs mama
DeleteThank you so much, I smiled when I read that. Thank you for your prayers and all the support. It sure helps to calm a crazy pregnant woman down a bit!
DeleteYou're entitled to the crazy ;). By the way, I posted the picture of the rainbow on the BBC forums in case you want to see it. I titled the post to your username ;)
DeleteThank you so much! I found it and it made me smile :)
DeleteI'm sitting here with my hands in the air saying, "Can somebody please give this girl a break?" I second your wtf! I'm so sorry you are going through this. Placental bleeds absolutely can resolve themselves so there still is a lot of hope. I will keep praying for you and believing that baby c is going to be absolutely fine. And I don't think you should worry about upsetting other people. You've been through enough and you just deserve support- the same support you seem to be giving them even though you have been through so much. I wish I could do or say more but you and your husband and baby C are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Now that I've had some time to think about it, I've become a bit more hopeful that each week will show the bleed starting to resolve itself. I've heard many stories that give me hope, and many that don't. All the prayers help, especially in times when I struggle to find the faith to pray. Your support means a lot!
DeleteI am so sorry you and your husband are dealing with this! During weeks 10-14 when the placenta is growing into the uterus it is fairly common to have a placental bleed. I know that doesn't take away your fear after everything you have been through. I am praying for your family that your baby continues to thrive. What a great heartbeat s/he has! I will also be praying for the idiot who asked that horrific question - that they understand what a complete and utter moron they truly are!
ReplyDeleteAnd this person was completely nonchalant about the question, like it should have been public knowledge in the first place. I don't mind sharing their story, but not when asked questions that are so direct like that. It's good to know that this bleed is common. Thank you so much for the prayers and support!
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