Weekend Review

Four things happened this weekend.  I realize that none of these events are extraordinary, but the entire weekend took an emotional toll on me.

1.  Miranda got into trouble
2.  Went to a wedding
3.  Saw my mom
4.  Read bedtime books to the boys

Miranda
Ok, so this might be the one thing that didn't bother me emotionally.  Kinda.  Saturday morning, I took Miranda for our daily (sweaty) walk.  A neighbor tried to give her treats.  Miranda got scared, cried, and hid behind me.  You can't take this girl anywhere, I swear.

And then I let her out into the backyard. You know, to pee.  Not kill.

I called her to come back inside.  I could see her chewing on something.  I assumed it was her frisbee.  I told her to show it to me.  She promptly and proudly picked up whatever she was chewing on and walked it with the stance of a lion to the deck.  I went to go see it.

A baby bunny. With a bite taken out of its side.

No words except OMG. Easter is ruined for everyone, kiddos.

I called Tim and he went into the backyard to clean it up.  Turns out it wasn't a baby bunny, but instead it was an adult rabbit that was beheaded by our dog.  We found the head at the back of the yard, next to a bird she had also killed.  She's a sweetheart like that.

If you're a dog owner, this isn't a big deal.  Dogs do this.  If you're not a dog owner then I should probably add here that Miranda really isn't dangerous.  She just likes.... to kill stuff.

Kill bunnies?  Who, me???

Wedding

Our pastor warned me that this would happen.  He said that there would be some days when I just wanted to be happy and have fun, and Tim wouldn't understand it.  He said there would be days that Tim was in a good mood and I would be angry because I was grieving alone.  It happened for the first time on Saturday.

We went to a wedding, and I got all dressed up, got my hair done, and took an insane amount of time on my makeup (which ended up not looking any damn different from any other day).  I was excited to see friends and dance and just have a good time.  I even had a plan on how to make it seem like I was drinking when in fact, I wasn't (hold a glass of pineapple juice. Everyone thought I had some girly fruity cocktail.  Plus I'm an idiot anyway so maybe I seemed drunk).  

If Baby C is a girl, I hope she has my hair. It's the only thing I like about my looks and I got it from my mama. 

Dinner went well and we took pictures in the photo booth. Tim proceeded to show people pictures of the dead rabbit.  Men, I swear.  He was so proud. It was turning out to be a good night.

Thanks for wearing that hat, Tim. Now we can both be Asian.

Trying to put a mustache on my butt. 

And then nothing. He kept asking me to leave (and this was HIS friend's wedding).  I could tell something was wrong so I said okay, let's go. We walked out.  He said he was depressed and didn't feel like celebrating, which got me upset.  We hardly ever have this kind of time together. He had been working late for weeks and I was just excited to spend a night together.  Being a firefighter's wife means that 1/3 of your life is spent without your significant other, and you go to bed alone.  You wake up alone.  I got all dressed up and he didn't even ask me to dance.  He wanted to go home and read to the boys.  I wanted to go out and have fun.  I realize now that this is just one night of probably hundreds that we will have throughout our life.  He will want to have fun, and I'll want to sit at home and cry over the boys.  I'll want to go out and have a good time, and he will want to sit home and think about our sons.  But this was the first time it happened and I didn't know how to deal with it.  Eventually we talked it out but I know we will struggle with this for a lifetime. 

Saw my mom

My mom was walking around and talking like she's never been sick.  It's the first time I've heard her voice in months. Its awful to see her and try to spend time with her, knowing she can't talk back. She's four weeks out since her last chemo treatment and her last radiation treatment, so she was feeling a lot better.  We sat around and talked and spent time with my niece.  As usual, because she is a shopaholic, she raided her closet for shoes and purses that she hasn't used in awhile and threw them at me.  I left with a new pair of sandals and two coach purses.  And new towels.  And two bags of clothes for my other niece that Eva doesn't fit in anymore.  My mom is the kind of person who will buy things just because they are on sale and then she doesn't know what to do with them.  Department stores love her and probably know her by name. Because of this, I rarely shop.  Thanks mom!  

She gave me old coins that she thinks will be worth money one day.  She said she was saving them for Conner and Benjamin.  Ugh. Break my heart.  I'm going to put them in their nursery. 

Today she has chemo again.  September 15th will hopefully be her last chemotherapy.  It killed me to leave knowing that I was leaving my mom and that the next time I would see her, she would be sick again.  I'm waiting until she is done to announce Baby C.  By then, we will know if this baby is a girl or a boy. 

Read to the boys

We read to the boys every night.  When I was in the hospital with them, I promised them that I would.  We still consider it our time together.  There is a picture of them across from our bed that I stare at while we read.  Yesterday night, Tim was at the fire department so I was left alone to read.  For some reason, yesterday was harder for me than most nights.  I bawled my eyes out while I read.  I just kept imagining my sons looking for their mommy and not being able to find me.  

And now it's Monday.  Thursday marks 10 weeks pregnant, and I will finally start taking pregnancy pictures. I didn't start until 10 weeks with Conner and Ben so it didn't seem fair or right to do it any earlier with this baby.  I feel like 10 weeks is a milestone.  My MFM said she believed we would be looking at a viable pregnancy if I reached 10 weeks.  It was also at 10 weeks that we had our pregnancy announcement with the twins.  I'll be 25% done with this pregnancy.  I'll also be DONE WITH PIO.  Over the weekend, the swelling from the progesterone was pressing on a nerve and I lost feeling in my right leg.  Thursday, we will be celebrating a milestone and the fact that I won't be putting 1.5 inch 22 gauge needles in my ass anymore.  

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!