So just when we think my mom is done with chemo, turns out she has 9 more weeks of toxic hell.
Also, my grandfather died. No one has told my dad yet because of what is going on with my mom.
So, in 2014, Conner and Ben died, my mom got cancer, and my grandfather is gone. We're not even done with this shitty year yet.
We were waiting until next week to tell our families about Baby C, since we thought my mom would be declared cancer free by then. Nope.
We're probably going to keep this a secret until I am very, very pregnant. Like around the anatomy scan. I need my mom to be feeling better to tell her. And she's going to be worried to high hell about me. I can't tell her about this pregnancy now.
I really don't think God listens to anything I ask for.
Also, kinda trivial, but I had an allergic reaction to a freaky bug bite yesterday and now my leg is wrapped in an ace bandage with ice packs.
If I wasn't pregnant, I'd be downing some tequila right now. But... at least I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. No matter how old you are it's tough to loose a grandparent.
ReplyDeleteAs for your Mom--I think if you told her she'd be worried, yes--even if you had problem free pregnancies Mom's worry. Yet, I think if you told her it would give her a great reason to keep up the rally and get through these next 9 weeks KNOWING when she is cancer free that she will have a another grandchild soon!
Thank you. I think we might tell her before her next chemo cycle... but still thinking about it.
DeleteI am very sorry for the loss of your grandpa. It is so unfair that one family has to face such pain in so short a time
ReplyDeleteI also wonder if telling your mom about baby C would be something for her to focus on besides her illness. My sister was battling breast cancer when she found out her daughter was pregnant again after losing her first baby. While she did worry (as Familyofthree said) she was excited to think about her first grandchild being on the way. Now she is cancer-free and doting on her 18 month old grandson!
You know what's best for your mom. I pray these next 9 weeks go quickly and she is on the road to recovery!
I'm so glad that your sister is now cancer free! Maybe it will be something positive for her to focus on.
DeleteI'm so sorry for all these losses. Prayers for your whole family.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI'm so sorry for the hand you've been dealt in 2014. It's enough to lose Conner & Benjamin... but to have to deal with losing your grandfather and your mom being diagnosed with cancer.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to your post. 2012 was a really tough year for me. I miscarried, was hospitalized twice for bowel obstructions and had bowel resection surgeries. It was a really challenging year, and obviously doesn't begin to come close to what 2014 has been like for you (or me, with losing Preston). Starting to wonder if odd years will be good years for me and even years will be bad...
I don't know your mom, but I'd echo some of the comments above. Have you thought about telling your mom anyways? It might be a source of strength for her, a distraction from her own pain? Everyone is different, and you know her better than we can speculate. Don't let us influence you too much and trust your gut, but just thought it might be good to at least consider it an option. :)
Unfortunately, life is going to continue to kick us, sometimes while we're still down. Don't let it tear you apart. You will find a way. :) Sending your prayers, strength and love.
Thank you! Wow 2012 and 2014 sound like horrible years for you. I'm hoping that 2015 will bring you lots of joy.
DeleteKrystal I am so sorry to hear about yor mom and grandpa! We have had a year of similar losses - Audra died, Tripp's mom got cancer (just finished chemo, starts radiation shortly) and my moms marriage ended, her house went into foreclosure and she just got laid off. Basically 2014 is the crappiest year ever. Not meaning to hijack, just wanted to let you know I understand the layers of crap that have piled up on you this year. Hang in there, there aren't many places to go but up. And I'm so so happy Baby C is hanging tight!
ReplyDeleteYou are not hijacking at all! Yeah 2014 sucks. There isn't even an adequate word for it. I hope that the rest of this year, or maybe next year, bring some better things your way.
DeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather and your Mom's setback. After dealing with my Mom and cancer, I know how overwhelming it can be. I'm hopeful that even though your Mom has a round of chemo left, she will be cancer free once done. And can happily celebrate your baby C news whenever you feel comfortable telling her. I hope that a beautiful rainbow is growing and getting bigger through all your rain, and some well needed peace is right around the corner. I am thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm starting to think this baby is here to get us all out of this ditch we are in. Right now, s/he is the only thing to be happy about!
DeleteOh my dear friend, I am so sorry! I am sure you are feeling angry at God and that's OK. You have every right. After I lost Ava I seriously thought about becoming an atheist because I had prayed for God to protect her and he didn't. He failed us both. But I want to see her again and cuddle her so I still believe... that God picks us up when the world knocks us down, and that He weeps with us. Now your boys have a grandpa to play with up there in the clouds. I have a feeling you will be getting some signs confirming that. Keep your head high mama! I pray for your mom and your little miracle every night. The world will continue to dish out disappointment. Stand strong in defense...you got this!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Not sure what I would do without you. I understand the thoughts on becoming an atheist. It is hard to pray and stay strong in faith when all of these horrible things are happening. But, as you said, I believe the boys and Ava still exist and we need to be strong in order to see them again.
DeleteUgh, 2014 has not been kind. It can move on now... Right?
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss. I just can't even imagine how frustrated and confused you must feel. I do know though that the Lord hears you, he loves you and is concerned for you and your family. Doesn't help answer the why's and the how come's though.
I hope that as you continue considering telling your mom you are given clarity. I know you'll do what's best for her and for you and your hubs. I am praying for complete healing in her body and I am anxiously awaiting the CANCER FREE post!
For some reason this reminds me of a song, it may or may not be appropriate for this but I'll give it a whirl:
Que Sara Sara....
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/pinkmartini/queserasera.html
Thank you for your prayers and for reminding me of that song! I'm trying to remember that this is all out of my hands.
Deleteso sorry (Belatedly) about your grandfather... and the fact that your mom has to continue treatment longer than anticipated... =\
ReplyDelete