And then came the heartbeat, down to 127 from the 188 bpm it was on Monday. I could immediately tell the difference as soon as I heard it. The nurses told me not to worry and that the heartbeat fluctuates. 127 bpm is normal for 7 weeks pregnant. But of course, I was freaking out again which prompted my nurse to stick the probe in me again and find the heartbeat for a second time to make me feel better. All this medical science and technology in 2014, but the dildo probe has yet to be replaced with something thinner and less violating. But I shouldn't complain, because they can stick whatever they want in my hooha to check on my baby.
I went home to check out Conner and Ben's baby book. At 5.5 weeks, their heartbeats were 110 and 109. At 7 weeks, they had jumped up to the 170's. Great. So my boys' heartbeats increased, and Baby C's has decreased. I know they told me not to worry, but I've heard that before...
Nonetheless, little blobby was looking great. I say blobby because that is all s/he looks like to me, although supposedly s/he is starting to look more like a baby and less like a tadpole. When they checked the heartbeat the second time, heartbeat was 129 bpm. A slight rise, but not much. While most people might not think twice about this, a baby loss mom never settles down.
I saw my mom today. She is walking around better and starting to eat solid food again. I was so happy, but I know that this is short lived with her chemo coming right around the corner again.
I'm still struggling on when to announce this pregnancy. I would really like to wait until the 16 week gender scan. That is when I predict I will start showing, albeit slightly. I didn't start showing much with the twins until around this time. It would be fun to announce a gender with the pregnancy, and by then my mom will be completely done with chemo and this mess with my grandfather dying will be behind us. But, I feel guilty since my brother now knows about the pregnancy along with my sister in law and well, all of you. I feel like I kinda cheated my family and friends of knowing about Baby C. So, I think that I'll just sleep on it. One day, when I wake up and feel like it's the day to announce, I'll do it. For now, since I'm ambivalent, I'm not going to think about it. I'm just going to sit here, eat a cheeseburger, and see what happens.
Have a great weekend! Love, Krystal and little blobby
Jack's was 136 around 7 weeks and he pretty much stayed the same... a little higher maybe but I don't really think by much if I remember correctly. Maybe blobby was just so excited to stick around her heart was beating so fast....now she's comfy and can relax :)
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear your mom is up and about and building up some strength to face what's ahead.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant my babies' heart rates would fluctuate depending on my stress level, what I had eaten and whether they were awake or sleeping. I know it's impossible not to worry ((((hugs)))))
I know it's so hard not to worry about every little thing after a loss. I went through that too! I hope you start to relax soon! I think Raegan's heartbeat was at like 142 at her 6 week appointment. So it was lower and then at my 8 week appointment it had jumped alot. So give it alittle more time! It'll jump back up :) Praying you'll know the exact right time to share about the pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the worry you are feeling.... I've tried to type out a few things, and I've deleted it numerous time because I just can't even try and make it better because it's nerve wrecking and simply scary. I am, however, confident that baby blobby is just fine. It's just impossible to stay calm and never worry, especially after loss.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear about your momma, and I know that you'll find the right time to tell her!
Glad your mom is on the up and up so that she can be ready for the next treatment. Strong willed woman :).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for all the fears you are having, and are probably going to continue having. As you know, I would like to have another child but am not quite ready. I feel more ready emotionally than I did a couple months ago though. My thoughts then were that I'd be scared throughout my whole pregnancy, and then throughout the first year, but especially the first four months.
Reality is though, I don't think those fears will go away with time. Whether I wait 2 months or 2 years to try and get pregnant, I will always have fears about losing my baby. I think that's a side effect of having such a monumental loss.
I think what we have to do is try to remain positive when we can. Feeling nervous, anxious, scared 24/7 wouldn't do anyone any good.
My post sounds depressing, sorry. Wasn't my intention. Just really trying to say, stay positive and when you get scared, write about it and we'll be there to try and help lift you up. Sounds like baby blobby is doing just fine. She (since that's what you think), might have just been napping ;).