Update and maybe TMI

Thank you to everyone who took the time to research things for me, pray, and put up with my insanity yesterday.  Now that I've calmed down (kinda.  not really.), I think I can explain a little more what happened yesterday and why this is such a big deal for me.

My doctors can't say for sure why I lost Conner and Benjamin; it could be due to an incompetent cervix that led to an infection, or just an infection.  The popular opinion that they all feel very strongly about is that I had an infection that made it's way into my uterus and caused me to go into labor.  This could have been from normal bacteria that is just not supposed to be in the uterus.  I could have also had BV, which is normal in pregnant women because of the changes in hormones.  It could have been asymptomatic, and left untreated caused me to go into labor.

So imagine how it felt when they called me to let me know that I had BV.  Typical protocol is to let pregnant women in their first trimester ride it out, since the body usually gets rid of it on its own.  However, given my history, it had to be treated right away.  This meant the use of antibiotics that are typically not given until the second trimester, or at the very earliest, 11 weeks.

My OB explained to me that the most harmful time to take these antibiotics is between 6 and 10 weeks.  I am 6 weeks pregnant today (coincidentally, it is also Conner and Benjamin's 6 month birthday today).  He put me on the safest antibiotic he could and gave me a cream instead of oral antibiotics, which flood the bloodstream and are more toxic to the baby.  He was overly concerned that I had an infection this early in pregnancy, especially after what happened with the boys.  While he was happy to see me pregnant, I'm not sure if I have ever seen that look of worry on his face before.

I also had to talk to my RE and discuss the risks of this infection.  It is possible that I had this infection during embryo transfer and the bacteria followed the embryo into the uterus.  My RE believes that if this had happened, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place and I would be in the hospital, deathly sick.  However, my MFM believes that I could have lost Conner and Ben due to a low lying infection that followed the babies into the uterus on the day of embryo transfer.  So yes, there is a chance that I might lose this baby again in the second trimester.  We just won't know until we get there.

After speaking to my nurse at the clinic and to my OB, we have decided to transfer my care to my OB early after we have established fetal heartbeat, which should be on Monday.  Typically, the release does not happen until 10 or 12 weeks but I am free to go whenever I feel comfortable.  I would like to get the fuck out of my clinic, especially after they kept telling me my symptoms were "normal" and that I could wait a couple weeks to get all this checked out.

This is why we all need to be advocates for our babies and for our own health.  I went over their heads and saw my OB, even though I had not been released to his care yet.

My OB will be repeating cultures frequently even when I am asymptomatic (as I was asymptomatic with the infection that took Conner and Benjamin).  Thankfully, I have an OB that has stated that they are going to be as aggressive as possible so that I do not lose another baby.

So, in a nutshell, these are the concerns:

1. That I had an infection for weeks but did not know it; bacteria then traveled with the embryo on transfer day and will lead me to lose a baby later in the second trimester once the bacteria has grown out of control. We can test this with amniocentesis, but it might not show up in the test. 
2. That I will have recurring BV, which is a cause of premature labor.  I seem to be susceptible to varying levels of PH which means that I may be more susceptible for infections recurring. 
3. That the antibiotics I am using this early will cause developmental damage to Baby C. 
4. That the antibiotics I am using will actually cause a miscarriage. 

I trust my doctor and I know that it is in the baby's best interest to treat aggressively. While I know women treat infections during pregnancy all the time without issues, my case is a little fragile.  Well, very fragile.  My body hates me, and right now, I'm not too happy with it either. 

I can't stop rubbing my belly and telling Baby C that s/he needs to keep growing and needs to come home with us.  But that is an awful lot of pressure to put on a little baby.