Two days ago, I would have had my baby shower. Tim and I went to the planetarium in keeping with the shower theme: Love you to the moon and back. I wondered if the boys would love the history of NASA the way that I did, or if they would read every single thing there was to read like their daddy did. I stared at the stars projected on the walls and ceilings, wondering what was closer to my baby boys: me, or the stars?
Yesterday, it was Conner and Benjamin's one month birthday. We wanted to do something that they would have liked, so we went to the aquarium. I imagined my boys next to me, eyes in wonderment at all the colorful fish, excited to touch everything they could in the water. I saw a family with the same double stroller I bought for them (which I have not brought myself to return, even though it cost about $600). I stared at that stroller like a lunatic. I wonder if that family noticed. I kept imagining pushing a stroller, heavy with two boys and over-packing, and teaching them about the multitudes of exhibits before us.
Today, I got an email updating me on my should-be pregnancy. Conner and Benjamin's eyes would have been open today after months of being fused shut. We never did get a chance to see whose eyes you would have, although we guess that Conner might have had Tim's and Benjamin's mine.
Baby boys, can you see us now?
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