Weekend Review: March for Babies

This weekend marked the second time Team Conner and Ben walked in the March for Babies. It was a beautiful day out in downtown Chicago, and we loved the time we spent with our family and friends. This year was particularly special to us, since it was Jordan's first year participating for her brothers.  Jordan even got $200 in sponsorships for the walk :) We passed our team goal of $2,000 and raised $3,338 for premature babies. The joy in my heart is indescribable.  You all know that I want my boys' legacies to be love and light, and I felt that we made a difference in the world on behalf of them this weekend.

Aw, my baby marching for her brothers. 

Are you excited, Jordan?

You bet your ass that's a minion bow in her hair for her brothers!

Sweet home Chicago

Beautiful day along Lake Michigan

I said it was a beautiful day.. and it was. But it was like, 40 degrees outside so she was bundled up!  Complete with ducky bib. 

Thank you to everyone who donated to our team - it means the world to me that you joined us in continuing Conner and Benjamin's story and honoring their lives in such a positive way.

In other minor news, I cut my hair. Yep. I mean, you probably figured that out from the pictures above. I had so much hair, I was able to donate two ponytails to cancer out of it (it would have been more, but I had so many layers framing my face that it was unusable).

Tim and I also had our second "date day."  Why days instead of nights? Because this way, we get to NAP ALL DAY after we get lunch. For real. Try it some time, new parents. Totally beats date nights, unless you find an amazing babysitter who will take your baby overnight.  Jordan is too young for me to feel comfortable doing overnights just yet, so date days it is!  This mama had an amazing margarita at lunch, and I got to snuggle up with my husband for a nap before we went to get our baby from my moms.  Much needed.  Time to ourselves makes us better parents when we get her back.  Not to mention, we desperately need time to ourselves for the sake of our marriage.  Everyone who has kids knows what I am talking about - you still need to prioritize your marriage, but it is so hard when your baby monopolizes your time (no complaints, though - I love every minute with Jordan, even the poopy ones).

Someone had a good time at Grandma's!

I wish I had time to write more - I hope I can soon.  But I can hear Jordan fussing in her nursery, and it's time to pick my baby up :)

Much love to everyone still reading.

Two Month Update

Last month's sticker didn't work out so well (she wanted to eat it), so we have switched to this cute frame!

TWO MONTHS

Weight: 10 pounds, 2 ounces. Good gracious, double digits!  She is now in the 23.5th percentile. 

Length: She gained an inch, and is now 21.5 inches long. 

Head: 37. yeesh. Growing brain, I hope! 

Clothing size: I don't even want to talk about it... but here I am, talking about it. Mark my words, I will never bring this up again. Way too painful for this mama. She grew out of newborn clothes on March 23rd (yes, I wrote that down. I'm that mom). It was the same day we took out the rolled up hospital blankets out of her car seat. I did not cry, but I definitely wanted to. I didn't realize she outgrew her newborn clothes until I experimented with the next size up, out of curiosity. She now wears size three month sizes, except on her legs - she's beginning to wear 6 months (what a chunker!). She was in size 0-3 for like, 4 days. 

Eye color: Grey. The blue has disappeared so I'm waiting for them to turn brown :( Sorry kiddo, looks like you won't get your daddy's eyes after all, although no surprise there. 

Hair: Still dark, but definitely lightening up!  My guess is her hair will be a medium-dark brown. It's also long (for a baby).  But, poor baby inherited daddy's hairline. Don't worry, I've figured out how to hide it with headbands. Plus, you know, she's a baby so she doesn't even know what a hairline is. She loves getting her hair brushed.  Apple, tree.
Pediatrician update: Poor baby.... she has colic. I knew it. Between 9 pm and 1 am, she screams no matter what we do. And, even worse - she has torticollis, favoring her left side. Hopefully her neck exercises do her some good! 

EAT

Milk bubbles!

Jordan is starting to go longer without eating (which really helps overnight). But, she is still really hating her bottle.  If she's really hungry, she'll slam the bottle down, no problem.  But otherwise, it's a struggle to give it to her.  All this girl wants to do is breastfeed!  I love it, but it makes it hard to leave her anywhere because she is so dependent on me and I am scared she won't eat while I am away. So, for now, I limit my time away from her.  We are pretty much together 24/7. This is a challenge when I want to do something simple, like get my haircut. But can I really complain that my baby needs me? No way. Someday she won't need me anymore, and that's when I'll have the real emotional breakdown.

SLEEP

We both have bedhead

Jordan goes to bed late - around midnight (although the other night, it was more like 2 am)- but once she is down, she's out like a light. She gets up once a night around 3 am to nurse, but we are able to put her back to sleep in about 30 minutes. Then she wakes up around 6 am. OShe wakes up well rested and all smiles! However, I'm still not getting much sleep. She really just wants to be held and will scream the minute I put her down. Guess I'll just have to hold this beautiful baby longer....

"Who are you, and what do you want with me?"

"Is that you, mommy?"

Sometimes, when she's "sleeping," she will open up her right eye just a bit - enough to look to see who is holding her. I can't even tell you how many pictures I have of her, half asleep, with family members or friends, and the look on her face is all "who the hell is this?!"

LIKES

Turtle, you are yummy in my tummy!

Not much has changed since last month. Bath time and car rides are her favorite. I recently found that going for walks puts her to sleep even if she's crabby. There's also this turtle toy that she seems to like. She can't do much with it except watch me play with it (mommy is a puppet-master) but the point is, she will watch. I was starting to get nervous because her attention seems to be all over the place.  Does my baby have ADD?  Is that even possible?

She also LOVES her activity mat - she can spend 20 minutes on that thing, which is a major accomplishment in baby time. But this also means that about 60% of the pictures I have of her are on this mat!

And I need an AW moment right now. She loves her mommy.  Sometimes she'll get fussy and cranky and turns out, all she wants is me. There is nothing like picking up your baby, or having someone else hand you your baby, and hearing her crying stop. I can't get enough of this girl. 

DISLIKES

No, mom, I don't want to do tummy time and you can't make me!

She's hating tummy time. Like, seriously hating it. She hates it probably as much as I hate dieting right now. The minute she is on her stomach, she wails. I once left the nursery windows open during tummy time and I'm pretty sure the neighborhood thought I was torturing my baby.  It's difficult to listen to her cry, but I know she has to get her tummy time in so develop her gross motor skills. It's a change from last month, when she was a tummy time pro. I wonder what happened, but my guess is that she just kinda found her voice this month and is more apt to use it. What's funny though is that she will kick so much she'll end up rotating around her head like a break dancer and end up with her legs off her mat (see above). 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS
She has started:

reaching for things - especially on her activity mat. The toys over her head are just too fun to pass up!
trying to roll over - almost!  Especially when she is on her mat, and I move to the opposite side she is facing.  Where's mommy?? Gotta find her!

holding her head steady - Oh, she's been doing this since the week she was born, I swear. But now I can legitimately hold her and she will use those neck muscles of hers to support her head and look around - for a loooooooong time. Minutes. Ten minutes. Maybe more. I never need to support her head anymore. And she will use her strength to move where she wants to move. I gave her a kiss last week, and I thought Tim moved her closer to me. No, he said, she did that herself. She leaned in for another kiss!

raising chest and lifting her head around 5 weeks- as much as she hates tummy time, it's paying off. Munchkin is well on her way to being able to crawl (crazy kicking on her tummy) and really support herself by propping herself up on her arms. Really, she did this the day she was born but she is doing it more often now.

vocalizing around 4 weeks - the cutest baby noises you ever did hear. Often.

"Hi, Mommy!"

smiling around 4 weeks- All the time. Awake. In her sleep. When I say hi. When we play with turtle. When she is on her activity mat. When she's getting a diaper change. In the middle of nursing (seriously, it's hilarious). With the exception of the hours between 9 pm and 1 am, she is the happiest baby in the world.

laughing - around 7 weeks, I knew her laughs were purposeful instead of from just gas. She's been laughing in her sleep since birth though, but now she laughs when she's awake at people (and also at invisible things).

DEAR JORDAN
Dear babykins,

My arm hurts. My back hurts. Why?  Because you are getting so big! You want to be carried everywhere, all the time. You love being slung over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes so that you can look around and take in your environment. Sometimes it's the only way to get you to sleep. You love it more than play time and bath time (but definitely not more than car rides).  As adorable as this is baby girl, it means some serious back problems for mama. I tried putting you in a sling, but you screamed your head off. I need to figure out a way to get you to be a koala baby for a little bit so that I can have my hands free and more back support. The thing is, I haven't actually bought a baby carrier yet. Not because I can't afford it and not because I haven't had the opportunity, but because I just can't seem to put you down anyway. I love this time with you. I constantly have to remind myself that although you are growing so fast, you are still considered petite for your age.  Good gracious, there are babies way bigger than you. Way bigger, easy.  Unbelievable.

I had my first official time away from you when you were exactly 7 weeks old.  Up until then, your daddy would watch you for an hour while I ran errands.  There was also one time your aunt watched you for oh, I don't know, an hour and a half while daddy and I checked out a house to buy. But I've never had a whole day away from you.  I dropped you off with your grandma so that I could work, and it was so weird coming home to an empty house.  I worked in my office with an empty sleeper next to me. I kept glancing over at it, thinking of you.  It took everything in me not to go pick you up right away. Turns out, I'm not really made to be away from you.

Your daddy and I have officially become "those parents" who constantly and only talk about their baby.  We are annoying. And although you are only two months old, I cannot remember what life was like before you.  No big deal. Life is so much better now that you are here.

You get prettier everyday.  I'm bias, I know, but seriously.  People tell me all the time that you are pretty.  Not cute, not adorable  - pretty. Not the average compliment for a baby. Prettiest baby in the world, no doubt.

You're smiling and laughing a lot now. You wake up in the morning in a good mood, and when I say, "hi, baby!," you laugh. You get the biggest smile when I give you kisses (or when CocoCay, your turtle toy, does). You even smile and laugh in your sleep.  What could you possibly be dreaming about???

I'm finishing up this letter with one hand, with you flung over my shoulder, napping. I wish you could stay this snuggly forever, but I know someday you won't be. So with that...time to wrap this up so I can eat up every single second of you.

I love you, baby girl. More than anything in this whole world. Never forget that. You are always loved.

XOXOXOXO,
Mom


Conner and Ben bonus: 

Weekend Review: Jordan's First Easter

Slightly off center, but I had to include the boys. Also, it is impossible to get a great picture with both dog and baby, so Jordan is here mid-yawn and Miranda is facing the wrong way in true family picture fashion.

Holy whoa, when was the last time I did a weekend review?!?!? I think the reason it's taking me so long to do one is because lately, my weekends have consisted of being pooped on, breastfeeding, and trying to master the art of eating and holding a baby at the same time. Ain't no one got time to read about that boredom.

Jordan's first Easter basket - and you bet those pajamas say "little sister" on them!

The great debate - is this a bunny or a fish with a bow on its butt?  (It's a bunny)

It was a beautiful day out. Jordan finally got to wear her first dress today, which unfortunately was ridiculous since baby dresses tend to ride up and never actually stay on the way they are supposed  to. She was flashing her diaper everywhere she went. Cookie monster, anyone? He's on size 1 Pampers. Nonetheless, she looked freaking adorable.

After church, which she thankfully slept through, we headed over to my in-laws'  house. This was also the first time a lot of our family got to see her, so there was lots of attention on her. Jordan does get overwhelmed with a lot of people around, but after she got a full tummy she was happy to oblige in the attention. Just like mommy - overwhelmed easily. Just like daddy - happy when fed. Apple, meet tree. Tree, meet apple.

All this excitement is exhausting, mommy!

Jordan's first Easter egg hunt, complete with ducky bib

Spoiled girl! With some Conner and Ben extras :)

It was like second Christmas for her. She made out with a ton of stuff (along with some stuff that was for her brothers). But, she's 7 weeks old so she cared about her ton o'loot exactly zero percent. Mommy was excited, though!

Christ has risen!  Last year, I spent Easter alone while Tim was at the fire department. My sister in law came to keep me company for awhile, but nothing could keep my mind off Conner and Ben. But because Christ lives, my boys are in heaven. I know they were watching over their baby sister on her first Easter, and always.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!!!

Flashbacks: pregnancy and Jordan

I'm watching my baby sleep.  She's wearing a blue onesie with two pink birds and pink and white striped pants. Every once in awhile, she'll let out a deep sigh that lets me know she is sleeping soundly.  And then, every once in awhile, she'll sound like a dinosaur to let me know that shes restless.

I stare at her face and she's so pretty and perfect, and I can't believe she's mine. But instead of focusing on the present, I look at her and see monitors.

I'm strapped to the monitors, listening to her heartbeat and watching the machine pump out a strip that details her heart rate, her movements, and my contractions. Three times a week. I hear the busy nurses out in the hallway, tending to patients and making phone calls. A flat screen tv is to my left and the Food Network is on. I watch it, all the while extremely aware of how many times my baby is moving. Will she pass today?

I look at my baby and I see ultrasounds. Twice a week. I hold my breath during BPPs and hope that I leave with good news.  Her growth scans cause me even more anxiety.  I know every time I go, her growth will have slowed down.  At the end, it was practically at a standstill when she should have been growing by leaps and bounds. I see her on the screen, shielding her face by throwing her arms over it. I almost like it this way, like seeing her face will be a great surprise when she is born.

I hold my baby and I think of the weekly progesterone shots that were supposed to prevent preterm labor.  Without them, would I have gone into labor earlier than 34 weeks? Would I have delivered her as a micro-preemie, like her brothers?  What would her fate have been?

Sometimes she will smile at me, or let out a laugh in her sleep. "Ha, ha, ha!," she'll say to me. And I'll smile back at her, and then remember how her heart rate slowed down while I pushed to get her out. I remember being rushed into the OR and the nurses shielding the monitors from me. I remember her crying as they lifted her up over the blue curtain so that I could see my girl. She was so tiny. I remember my first question was "Is she okay?" but my first thought was "OMG. She is so tiny."  Dr. D, who delivered her, would tell me at my postpartum appointment, "I remember she didn't like labor... well, more like the pushing..." and he stared at her in amazement.  I know what he was thinking. How is she here, full term and healthy?

I think of the fertility treatments we went through. Our loss with our boys. A struggle to get back to normalcy. Throwing myself back into fertility treatments. Our chances of success with her cycle? Twenty percent. And she is here.

Maybe someday, I will stop looking at her and thinking of the struggle, the pain, and the anxiety of trying to get her here. But that has not passed just yet.

She is still sleeping in her pink rocker, her hair standing up and her arms down at her side for once. Her cheeks are chubby and full, very unlike the day she was born. I know she will wake up soon and fuss, but the minute I pick her up she will calm down. I cannot wait for her to wake up, kiss her chubby cheeks, and tell her how much I love her.

We walk for Conner and Benjamin

It's that time of year again. No, not Christmas, thank God.  Although should I be thanking God that it isn't the season of Christ's birth?

Face palms, everywhere. 

The day that I was told I would be delivering my boys with no hope of their survival, I thought of what I wanted the aftermath to be like.  At first, I wanted everything to be over and done with.  I wanted to go home, hide, cry, and never speak to anyone about what happened.  I was ashamed.  I failed, and now my boys were paying the ultimate price for it. 

But after a few days, I knew that my boys would need a voice in this world and that I was the only person who could be their voice.  I wanted their legacy not to be of grief, but of love. 

We are walking again in the March for Babies in honor of Conner and Benjamin.  Last year, we were the third highest family team in terms of donations in Chicago.  That is HUGE!!!  We are so happy that we were able to make such a difference in memory of our baby boys.  The March of Dimes funds research to prevent preterm labor as well as support families and babies during NICU stays. While we could not save our boys, we want to do everything we can to prevent tragedies like ours happening to others. 

Unfortunately this year, I have found that the response to us walking this year has been extremely low.  Most people are not walking with us again, and most people are not donating again this year.  I expected this, and I completely understand that people cannot always donate money or do not always have the time to do things. But I want to put something into perspective...

Likes on FB for Jordans pictures - hundreds. 

Likes on FB for Conner and Ben/March of Dimes - eight. 

EIGHT. 

Seems as though I'm not doing as good of a job using my voice as last year. 

Okay, I think I'm rambling. That isn't the point.  The point is, response be damned, we are walking again this year.  Every penny helps. 

We are asking our friends and family to help us raise money to help save other babies.  Maybe someday, babies born at 22 weeks gestation will have a chance of survival - and hopefully, they will thrive. If you would like to donate to our team, you can go to: 

https://www.marchforbabies.org/connerandben

"Their tiny feet go before us to show us the way home."

With my sincerest love and thanks,

Krystal 

Welcome to the longest one month update ever for a baby who mostly poops

Someone please explain to me how my Jordan Breanne is already one month old? Did we not just bring her home from the hospital last week? I mean, I literally just sent out her birth announcements like 3 days before her one month birthday. Bad mommy!

I totally get that no one will read this in its entirety (and that is okay with me). But I'm going to put this in her baby book (well, an edited version), so I figured I might as well write it all out now, right? Mommy multitasking.

She wouldn't keep the sticker on her :)

Same outfit, 3 days old, the day we took her home.  "Mommy, I don't fit!"

ONE MONTH

Weight: 8 pounds, 4 ounces (up from 5 pounds, 3 ounces)

Length: 20.5 inches (up from 18.5 inches)

Head: 34 (up from 31.5)
She has gone from the .45th percentile to the 15th in weight!  How nuts is that?!

Clothing size: Newborn.  I will cry when you grow out of this size, no doubt. 

Eye color: Gray (grey?). I could get lost in those eyes!

Hair: Dark, like mommy's.  In natural daylight, it is a dark brown.  However, due to the never ending winter we seem to be having, we rarely leave the house. 

EAT

BREASTFEEDING.  If there were some kind of weird breastfeeding competition among newborns, she would win, hands down.  It came so naturally to her (and, surprisingly, to me).  This isn't to say that breastfeeding isn't hard - physically, it is exhausting. BF hormones make you tired when your baby nurses, so I practically knock out when she nurses at night. Pinterest keeps my attention during late night feedings so that I don't fall asleep with Jordan in my arms. I can't see myself stopping anytime soon, though. Jordan loves it way too much. I know her cues and she knows mine.  This smart little girl will even stop when I ask her if she's done.  I can tell when she's done - she will start to nod off. I'll say, "Jordan, are you done?" and at that exact moment, she will delatch herself. Works every time. 

BOTTLE. The lactation consultant at the hospital suggested starting her at two weeks so that she has time to get used to it, and so that it won't be a struggle to transition her later. We started using Tommy Tippee, which I had bought for the boys.  The nipple on the Tommy Tippee bottles practically drowned my baby though, and Jordan would not drink from it. Luckily, I was prepared for this - I had also bought the Munchkin Latch starter set and she will drink from those bottles.  I can't say enough about these bottles - they are new on the market and support breastfeeding. The slow flow nipples are indeed slow flow - she takes just as long to feed from the bottle as she does when I nurse her. Added bonus - she has yet to spit up from taking these bottles, which is common when babies are being fed too fast or when they are taking in too much air. She is always hesitant to take the bottle at first, and it usually takes a few tries before she really starts to drink from it, but she always finishes happily. When she is more comfortable with the bottle, I'll feel a bit more ready to go out and do things and possibly leave her with a sitter (although I am a control freak, so maybe not). 

My heart hurt seeing her with a bottle, but I know she needs to learn

SLEEP
NOISE. Grunts, Dolphin noises. Random vocalization. She is the noisiest dreamer ever. She must go through like, 20 cycles of REM between nursing. Any other person would think this baby was awake, but I know better.

MOMMY AND DADDY. Sleep is a luxury.  Some nights we get it, some nights we dont't.  Tim is having the most trouble with this, even though I'm the one nursing her and being flooded with hormones that make you relaxed and sleepy. When I have tried to wake Tim up to help me with Jordan, he has:

tried to burp his pillow. Threw it over his shoulder and everything.
taken his pillow out of the cover and told me he was getting her ready because he didn't want her to spit up on her pajamas. He then proceeded to be pissed at me when I told him that his pillow was not the baby.
handed me his pillow, telling me that I would need it while he was changing Jordan's diaper.  To this day, he still doesn't remember what he thought was so valuable in his pillow.
tried to undress me when I told him that Jordan needed a change of outfit after she spit up.

SLEEP THROUGH NIGHT. We had to wake her every 3 hours to feed her (which was easy -change her diaper, which she needed anyway, and she would wake up hungry). Most doctors will say this is necessary to establish milk supply and make sure baby is regaining her birthweight/growing properly. But at 3.5 weeks, I decided to let her decide when she was hungry. The first night, she only woke up once to nurse - so she was on a 4 hour cycle.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Do you know what it's like to have a newborn, sleep 4 hours, change her diaper, nurse her for 20 minutes, burp her, and go back to sleep for 4 hours? IT'S LIKE HEAVEN.  I feel like a brand new woman. When we were waking her, there were cranky parents and cranky baby who thought that being awake at 2 am was not only normal, but good and acceptable.

FIGHT THE POWER, MOMMY. Much like in her ultrasounds, she loves having her arms and hands by her face when she sleeps... she will randomly shoot her arm up in the air as if to say, "fight the power!" Um, what power exactly, Jordan?

SMILES AND LAUGHS. She may make a lot of noise while she sleeps, but she seems to be a happy dreamer.  Very often, I'll look over at her and she'll be smiling.  She also laughs randomly in her sleep ("ha, ha, ha, hahahaha").  Within her first few days home, I was watching Mean Girls.  After Lindsay Lohan says, "he's almost too gay to function," Miss Jordan let out a laugh. Awesome.

All. The. Time. 

LIKES

BATHTIME. Not to be confused with sponge baths, which she hated. But bathtime is so warm and Jordan hates being cold.  Poor baby shivers when she is out of the bath, but nothing a good elephant hooded towel can't fix.

Okay, so she doesn't look happy here, but omg - cutest screaming elephant ever. 

CAR RIDES. Instant naptime. Need I say more?

When your baby doesn't fit in her carseat, you have to surround her with rolled up blankets. Bonus: green "crotch towel" soaks up pee if she chooses to potty through her diaper. 

TUMMY TIME. She is super comfortable on her belly, and I try to give her tummy time after her diaper changes. She screams as she tries to move her head to where she wants it to be out of frustration, but relaxes as soon as she can see mommy again. She has also learned how to move her body in a circle. She'll kick her feet and move her legs like she is getting ready to crawl, but since she hasn't mastered using her arms to move forward, what happens is that she starts out parallel on her mat and then ends up being perpendicular to it - kind of like a brake dancer spinning in a circle.

"Jordan, why are you so quiet.... oh. You're asleep."

BEING BURPED. She often falls asleep during burp time. And check out these faces - I mean, if this is not one content and relaxed little girl, I don't know what is. 

3 days old, loving burp time

DISLIKES

BEING NAKED.  Miss Jordan is so very modest.  However, this totally sucks when we have to change her diaper (10-12 times a day) or change her clothes (2-5 times a day).  She will often protest, but the minute you are done changing her she is back to being a calm baby.  We think she gets cold too easily, so her changing pad is actually on the floor. There is a vent cover over the heating vent in the nursery that directs air so that is horizontal to the floor, and so baby girl is actually getting changed in the warmest part of her room now.

BABY WIPES. They are cold. She screams at me when I use them, especially if I have to use them on her arms because she soaked herself in spit up.  I know everyone says those wipe warmers are a waste of money, but seriously... it might be a good investment for little miss dramatic. 

CARSEAT.  This is not to be confused with car rides.  Jordan will scream at you the entire time you put her into her car seat, which is quite the ordeal with her.  Because she was born so little, she needs additional body support to keep her snug and safe.  So, she is surrounded by rolled up hospital blankets. Cute, right?  Not really. It adds time to getting her in her seat, which makes her scream more. But the second she is strapped in and her daddy picks the carseat up, she falls asleep - hard. Like, comatose. It's actually pretty scary, and during car rides I frequently poke her face to make sure she is still breathing. 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

TUMMY TIME PRO.  She loves it.  She may scream when we put her on her stomach, but only because she so desperately wants to move her head back and forth - when she finally moves her head to where she wants it to be, she calms down.

"Whatcha doin, Jordan?"

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.  Not really, but if she keeps growing at the rate she's growing, we are going to have an obese baby.  That is quite the feat, considering she was once diagnosed with IUGR!

POOPING WONDER. For real. Down her back. On her clothes. Projectile while changing her. She fills her diapers 10-12 times a day with poop.  I can hear her pooping right now.

SELF-SOOTHER. You'll hear her scream once or twice in her Rock n' Play, then settle down.  No pacifier necessary (she actually hates them).

JAUNDICE. Before we left the hospital, Jordan looked a bit, well, yellow.  They tested her bili levels and it came back low to moderately low risk, so they sent her home. Her first appointment at the pediatrician showed that her bili levels had risen and she was *this* close to having to go under the lights.  Poor baby, she looked so sick. But then they tested her again the next day and her bili levels were lower - she was getting rid of it on her own :)

DEAR JORDAN

Dear Ms. Jordan Breanne, 

I've been told time and time again that babies grow quickly.  Don't blink, they say.  She'll be grown up before you know it.  In my head, I would think, "I know, I know.  Babies grow fast."  But good grief, I didn't realize how fast until we brought you home.  Remind me to never roll my eyes at that saying again. The day we were discharged from the hospital, your daddy put you in a preemie outfit.  I took one look at you and declared that the preemie outfit was too small (to which your daddy admitted that it was quite the struggle to get the outfit on). So, we put you in a newborn outfit.  You weren't just swimming in the outfit - you were drowning in it.  Extra fabric seemed to engulf you. Now, not only are you comfortably wearing newborn sizes, but I am seriously contemplating putting you in your 0-3 month clothing.  I can't even right now. How is this happening?  Every time your grandparents or your auntie sees you, they notice the change in your weight and your length.  You don't even look like the same baby anymore!  And it gets me fast forwarding to when you are in high school and you hate me for not letting you stay out late, or your wedding day when you're undoubtedly going insane from all the marital day chaos that is going on around you. What will you look like then?  Will you keep growing like you are now?  If so, you will be a giant.  At some point, you will need to slow your roll, sweetheart. I guess it's really my fault that you keep on growing, though. I'm the one who keeps feeding you!

In these past couple of weeks, you have found your voice and love to use it.  A quiet Jordan is often hard to come by, even when you are sleeping.  You sound like a dolphin.  Seriously. If I took you to Sea World dressed up as a dolphin, I wouldn't be able to leave with you.  Security would stop me at the gates and I would be arrested for trying to steal marine wildlife. 

You also tend to get the hiccups frequently, just like you did when I was pregnant with you. Your eyes get wide, but they don't seem to bother you too much.  I hold you and sing, "hiccups, hiccups go away, come again another day." You sit there contently, and usually when your hiccups are gone you are hungry again.  Oh, life must be so easy for you. Hiccup, eat. Burp. Sleep. Poop. Sleep some more. Make some dolphin noises. 

During my entire pregnancy with you, I was on edge. I held my breath, waiting for you to get here safe and sound. Every time I look at you, I remind myself what a true miracle it is that you are here. I think of the day you were born and how you didn't cry right away.  We waited what seemed like minutes for you to cry.  In reality, it was probably only about five seconds until you started wailing at everyone.  It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard and prompted both myself and your daddy to start crying as well.  Last night, your daddy said something about us living in the moment with you.  While we can't wait for you to start sitting up, play with your toys, laugh at our jokes, or start talking, we also know that you will never be this little again.  

I'm taking in every second of you. Just do mommy a favor and don't grow up too fast, okay?

Two weeks old

Bonus: First Month picture outtakes 

Get this thing off of me!

I wanna eat! 

.... so I'll eat this sticker. 

Holy crap, I'm one month old?!

Newborn pictures

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves :)

For more, you can visit: http://sarahcudneyphotography.com/2015/02/27/baby-jordan/

My favorite

Sweet footprints and daddy's FD gear

Just like mommy

Taylor 110 guitar - given to me in honor of Conner and Benjamin's birthday, January 10th