Welcome to the longest one month update ever for a baby who mostly poops

Someone please explain to me how my Jordan Breanne is already one month old? Did we not just bring her home from the hospital last week? I mean, I literally just sent out her birth announcements like 3 days before her one month birthday. Bad mommy!

I totally get that no one will read this in its entirety (and that is okay with me). But I'm going to put this in her baby book (well, an edited version), so I figured I might as well write it all out now, right? Mommy multitasking.

She wouldn't keep the sticker on her :)

Same outfit, 3 days old, the day we took her home.  "Mommy, I don't fit!"

ONE MONTH

Weight: 8 pounds, 4 ounces (up from 5 pounds, 3 ounces)

Length: 20.5 inches (up from 18.5 inches)

Head: 34 (up from 31.5)
She has gone from the .45th percentile to the 15th in weight!  How nuts is that?!

Clothing size: Newborn.  I will cry when you grow out of this size, no doubt. 

Eye color: Gray (grey?). I could get lost in those eyes!

Hair: Dark, like mommy's.  In natural daylight, it is a dark brown.  However, due to the never ending winter we seem to be having, we rarely leave the house. 

EAT

BREASTFEEDING.  If there were some kind of weird breastfeeding competition among newborns, she would win, hands down.  It came so naturally to her (and, surprisingly, to me).  This isn't to say that breastfeeding isn't hard - physically, it is exhausting. BF hormones make you tired when your baby nurses, so I practically knock out when she nurses at night. Pinterest keeps my attention during late night feedings so that I don't fall asleep with Jordan in my arms. I can't see myself stopping anytime soon, though. Jordan loves it way too much. I know her cues and she knows mine.  This smart little girl will even stop when I ask her if she's done.  I can tell when she's done - she will start to nod off. I'll say, "Jordan, are you done?" and at that exact moment, she will delatch herself. Works every time. 

BOTTLE. The lactation consultant at the hospital suggested starting her at two weeks so that she has time to get used to it, and so that it won't be a struggle to transition her later. We started using Tommy Tippee, which I had bought for the boys.  The nipple on the Tommy Tippee bottles practically drowned my baby though, and Jordan would not drink from it. Luckily, I was prepared for this - I had also bought the Munchkin Latch starter set and she will drink from those bottles.  I can't say enough about these bottles - they are new on the market and support breastfeeding. The slow flow nipples are indeed slow flow - she takes just as long to feed from the bottle as she does when I nurse her. Added bonus - she has yet to spit up from taking these bottles, which is common when babies are being fed too fast or when they are taking in too much air. She is always hesitant to take the bottle at first, and it usually takes a few tries before she really starts to drink from it, but she always finishes happily. When she is more comfortable with the bottle, I'll feel a bit more ready to go out and do things and possibly leave her with a sitter (although I am a control freak, so maybe not). 

My heart hurt seeing her with a bottle, but I know she needs to learn

SLEEP
NOISE. Grunts, Dolphin noises. Random vocalization. She is the noisiest dreamer ever. She must go through like, 20 cycles of REM between nursing. Any other person would think this baby was awake, but I know better.

MOMMY AND DADDY. Sleep is a luxury.  Some nights we get it, some nights we dont't.  Tim is having the most trouble with this, even though I'm the one nursing her and being flooded with hormones that make you relaxed and sleepy. When I have tried to wake Tim up to help me with Jordan, he has:

tried to burp his pillow. Threw it over his shoulder and everything.
taken his pillow out of the cover and told me he was getting her ready because he didn't want her to spit up on her pajamas. He then proceeded to be pissed at me when I told him that his pillow was not the baby.
handed me his pillow, telling me that I would need it while he was changing Jordan's diaper.  To this day, he still doesn't remember what he thought was so valuable in his pillow.
tried to undress me when I told him that Jordan needed a change of outfit after she spit up.

SLEEP THROUGH NIGHT. We had to wake her every 3 hours to feed her (which was easy -change her diaper, which she needed anyway, and she would wake up hungry). Most doctors will say this is necessary to establish milk supply and make sure baby is regaining her birthweight/growing properly. But at 3.5 weeks, I decided to let her decide when she was hungry. The first night, she only woke up once to nurse - so she was on a 4 hour cycle.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Do you know what it's like to have a newborn, sleep 4 hours, change her diaper, nurse her for 20 minutes, burp her, and go back to sleep for 4 hours? IT'S LIKE HEAVEN.  I feel like a brand new woman. When we were waking her, there were cranky parents and cranky baby who thought that being awake at 2 am was not only normal, but good and acceptable.

FIGHT THE POWER, MOMMY. Much like in her ultrasounds, she loves having her arms and hands by her face when she sleeps... she will randomly shoot her arm up in the air as if to say, "fight the power!" Um, what power exactly, Jordan?

SMILES AND LAUGHS. She may make a lot of noise while she sleeps, but she seems to be a happy dreamer.  Very often, I'll look over at her and she'll be smiling.  She also laughs randomly in her sleep ("ha, ha, ha, hahahaha").  Within her first few days home, I was watching Mean Girls.  After Lindsay Lohan says, "he's almost too gay to function," Miss Jordan let out a laugh. Awesome.

All. The. Time. 

LIKES

BATHTIME. Not to be confused with sponge baths, which she hated. But bathtime is so warm and Jordan hates being cold.  Poor baby shivers when she is out of the bath, but nothing a good elephant hooded towel can't fix.

Okay, so she doesn't look happy here, but omg - cutest screaming elephant ever. 

CAR RIDES. Instant naptime. Need I say more?

When your baby doesn't fit in her carseat, you have to surround her with rolled up blankets. Bonus: green "crotch towel" soaks up pee if she chooses to potty through her diaper. 

TUMMY TIME. She is super comfortable on her belly, and I try to give her tummy time after her diaper changes. She screams as she tries to move her head to where she wants it to be out of frustration, but relaxes as soon as she can see mommy again. She has also learned how to move her body in a circle. She'll kick her feet and move her legs like she is getting ready to crawl, but since she hasn't mastered using her arms to move forward, what happens is that she starts out parallel on her mat and then ends up being perpendicular to it - kind of like a brake dancer spinning in a circle.

"Jordan, why are you so quiet.... oh. You're asleep."

BEING BURPED. She often falls asleep during burp time. And check out these faces - I mean, if this is not one content and relaxed little girl, I don't know what is. 

3 days old, loving burp time

DISLIKES

BEING NAKED.  Miss Jordan is so very modest.  However, this totally sucks when we have to change her diaper (10-12 times a day) or change her clothes (2-5 times a day).  She will often protest, but the minute you are done changing her she is back to being a calm baby.  We think she gets cold too easily, so her changing pad is actually on the floor. There is a vent cover over the heating vent in the nursery that directs air so that is horizontal to the floor, and so baby girl is actually getting changed in the warmest part of her room now.

BABY WIPES. They are cold. She screams at me when I use them, especially if I have to use them on her arms because she soaked herself in spit up.  I know everyone says those wipe warmers are a waste of money, but seriously... it might be a good investment for little miss dramatic. 

CARSEAT.  This is not to be confused with car rides.  Jordan will scream at you the entire time you put her into her car seat, which is quite the ordeal with her.  Because she was born so little, she needs additional body support to keep her snug and safe.  So, she is surrounded by rolled up hospital blankets. Cute, right?  Not really. It adds time to getting her in her seat, which makes her scream more. But the second she is strapped in and her daddy picks the carseat up, she falls asleep - hard. Like, comatose. It's actually pretty scary, and during car rides I frequently poke her face to make sure she is still breathing. 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

TUMMY TIME PRO.  She loves it.  She may scream when we put her on her stomach, but only because she so desperately wants to move her head back and forth - when she finally moves her head to where she wants it to be, she calms down.

"Whatcha doin, Jordan?"

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.  Not really, but if she keeps growing at the rate she's growing, we are going to have an obese baby.  That is quite the feat, considering she was once diagnosed with IUGR!

POOPING WONDER. For real. Down her back. On her clothes. Projectile while changing her. She fills her diapers 10-12 times a day with poop.  I can hear her pooping right now.

SELF-SOOTHER. You'll hear her scream once or twice in her Rock n' Play, then settle down.  No pacifier necessary (she actually hates them).

JAUNDICE. Before we left the hospital, Jordan looked a bit, well, yellow.  They tested her bili levels and it came back low to moderately low risk, so they sent her home. Her first appointment at the pediatrician showed that her bili levels had risen and she was *this* close to having to go under the lights.  Poor baby, she looked so sick. But then they tested her again the next day and her bili levels were lower - she was getting rid of it on her own :)

DEAR JORDAN

Dear Ms. Jordan Breanne, 

I've been told time and time again that babies grow quickly.  Don't blink, they say.  She'll be grown up before you know it.  In my head, I would think, "I know, I know.  Babies grow fast."  But good grief, I didn't realize how fast until we brought you home.  Remind me to never roll my eyes at that saying again. The day we were discharged from the hospital, your daddy put you in a preemie outfit.  I took one look at you and declared that the preemie outfit was too small (to which your daddy admitted that it was quite the struggle to get the outfit on). So, we put you in a newborn outfit.  You weren't just swimming in the outfit - you were drowning in it.  Extra fabric seemed to engulf you. Now, not only are you comfortably wearing newborn sizes, but I am seriously contemplating putting you in your 0-3 month clothing.  I can't even right now. How is this happening?  Every time your grandparents or your auntie sees you, they notice the change in your weight and your length.  You don't even look like the same baby anymore!  And it gets me fast forwarding to when you are in high school and you hate me for not letting you stay out late, or your wedding day when you're undoubtedly going insane from all the marital day chaos that is going on around you. What will you look like then?  Will you keep growing like you are now?  If so, you will be a giant.  At some point, you will need to slow your roll, sweetheart. I guess it's really my fault that you keep on growing, though. I'm the one who keeps feeding you!

In these past couple of weeks, you have found your voice and love to use it.  A quiet Jordan is often hard to come by, even when you are sleeping.  You sound like a dolphin.  Seriously. If I took you to Sea World dressed up as a dolphin, I wouldn't be able to leave with you.  Security would stop me at the gates and I would be arrested for trying to steal marine wildlife. 

You also tend to get the hiccups frequently, just like you did when I was pregnant with you. Your eyes get wide, but they don't seem to bother you too much.  I hold you and sing, "hiccups, hiccups go away, come again another day." You sit there contently, and usually when your hiccups are gone you are hungry again.  Oh, life must be so easy for you. Hiccup, eat. Burp. Sleep. Poop. Sleep some more. Make some dolphin noises. 

During my entire pregnancy with you, I was on edge. I held my breath, waiting for you to get here safe and sound. Every time I look at you, I remind myself what a true miracle it is that you are here. I think of the day you were born and how you didn't cry right away.  We waited what seemed like minutes for you to cry.  In reality, it was probably only about five seconds until you started wailing at everyone.  It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard and prompted both myself and your daddy to start crying as well.  Last night, your daddy said something about us living in the moment with you.  While we can't wait for you to start sitting up, play with your toys, laugh at our jokes, or start talking, we also know that you will never be this little again.  

I'm taking in every second of you. Just do mommy a favor and don't grow up too fast, okay?

Two weeks old

Bonus: First Month picture outtakes 

Get this thing off of me!

I wanna eat! 

.... so I'll eat this sticker. 

Holy crap, I'm one month old?!