You're about to be big brothers...

x2, little girl :)

Dear Conner and Benjamin,

We are just days away from delivering your little sister.  I can't quite wrap my head around it.  In many ways, I feel like a new mother but I know that I am far from it.  I will now have the challenge of being a mother to two children in heaven and one on earth. How can this be?  How did this happen to our family?  The other night, your dad was putting some finishing touches on the nursery. He was playing "Godspeed, Sweet Dreams" - our song for you. I walked in to him crying, and I didn't have any words for him.  All I could do was hug him. You both make our family complete, but at the same time it feels so broken without you here on earth.

Last night, I tried looking for "I'm a big brother" book to read to you.  I couldn't get myself to purchase any of them.  They were all about how big brothers could help feed and play with the baby. You can't do any of those things.  Your sister will never get the privilege of having her big brothers help her with her homework, show her how to play with legos, or even endure the constant teasing I'm sure she would get because she was the only girl. She has two older brothers, but in many ways she will be an only child.  I fear how people will react when they ask if she has any brothers or sisters.  I also fear how she will answer the question. I hope that she embraces you as part of the family just as your father and I do.  I truly believe that she will.

I have to remind myself that although she doesn't have her big brothers here to look after her, chase away her boyfriends, and be uncles to her future children, she does have two guardian angels.  I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for your little sister.  So many things have been thrown our way in this pregnancy, and each time I have asked you to look after your sister, you have always made sure she was safe. She has something that other children do not - two blessings from heaven, two angels watching over her, two brothers guiding her through life.

Your little sister may take up a lot of our time, especially in the coming weeks.  I promise to still read to you at night, and maybe when she is old enough, she will start to read to you, too. You will always be my first borns. You will always be my sons, my babies. You are never replaced, never forgotten. We will forever be grateful for you.  We are a family of five, not of three.

Well, six, if you count Miranda.

Love,
Mom