Weekend Review: Lake Geneva

HELLOOOOOO BLOGGER WORLD!!! It feels good to be writing again.

In a couple of hours, I will be dropping Jordan off at my mom's house to catch up with writing, run some errands, and hopefully nap. Sleep, I miss you.  I used to feel guilty dropping her off somewhere in order to get some things done and take a nap, but after some time I realized that asking for help makes me a better mother.  I pick her up refreshed, and she is a happy baby after getting ALL THE ATTENTION FROM EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE ALL DAY LONG OMG SO GREAT. Right now, Jordan is currently taking a long morning nap (probably because she refused to sleep last night). So that means this mama gets a head start on blogging.

Tim had a rare three day weekend with a day off from the FD. So after packing enough baby supplies to go on a month long vacation, we made our way one hour north... for a three hour trip to the zoo. I know that Jordan is much too young to take interest in the zoo, but she loves going outside and being in her stroller.  Seriously. Take this girl outside and watch her head constantly turn to take in her surroundings. She goes so quiet and so content and so relaxed. So I knew she would like the zoo, simply because she would be outside.

And I was right. She gave absolutely zero cares about the animals.  She even gave exactly zero craps about all the noise from the waves of school children on their last field trip for school.  These kids were ravenous.  They were out for blood.  I've never seen so many frantic adults chasing kids, little ones being knocked over, and and overall disregard for human space. We picked the wrong day to go to the zoo, for sure.  Jordan hates loads of noise, but that day at the zoo she just kinda looked at me... eyes wide open... then it was all "whatever, I'm outside."

And then she fell asleep. The. Whole. Time. Nothing like a stroller induced nap, huh?

So I bring to you... Jordan's first trip to the zoo, starring Jordan and the Baby Jogger City Select (and some zoo animals, but you know, whatever).

"OMG MOM I LOVE THE ZOO.  What's the zoo again?"

"Mommy, no one can see my zoo outfit with my bib on! But everyone can see your bra strap. EW GROSS."

Sad. My baby is asleep.

Like a boss.

"Hi, animals!"

"Mmmmm, yummy thumb!"

So gross. 

So scary.

She is clearly thrilled with the giraffes.

Animal print for the zoo!

One of us is excited.  Can you guess who?

I want to bring them home.

Daddy and baby. 

Her stretching face.  Someday she will scream at me for taking this picture... and then posting it on the internet.

I like their gum. Remember the 5 seconds of awesome flavor you got from it before it ran out?

So sweepy. 

We also took a trip to Lake Geneva this weekend.  Hey, did you guys know that when you have a baby, you can't really do stuff on vacation - like zorbing, renting wave runners, ziplining, binge drinking, laser tag, or even just playing beach volleyball for fear that your crappy volleyball skills will result in a volleyball in your baby's face while she sleeps in her stroller? I actually had quite the baby friendly weekend planned out until we found out the orchard/winery was closed for a private event.  Fruity wine for parents and apple picking with Jordan would have been perfect in the 72 degree weather we were having. But maybe it was just as well. Jordan was more alert at Lake Geneva, and you should have seen this baby's frantic head turning back and forth looking at all the scenery.  She was nothing but smiles and laughs all weekend long.  We shopped along main street (new octopus wubanub for Jordan, books for the boys and baby girl), ate too much (home made ice cream AND frozen yogurt in a four hour period. perfection), walked along the beach, stopped by the park, and just spent some relaxed family time together. It was just what we needed.

"HEY MOM!!! Look at that sign!!!"

View from resort room

She's yummy.

 No way am I gonna let daddy nap!!!

All this candy, but nothing is as sweet as me!!!

One of many food stops. I'm paying for it dearly.

Lake Geneva

Perfect 72 degrees, sunny with a slight breeze

The morning we left for Lake Geneva, I stopped to talk to Conner and Benjamin.  We have been on trips, both long and short, since we lost them.  But this time was different.  This time was with their sister.  A family vacation, without our two boys. I told them that they should tag along with us.  I really hope that they are with us wherever we go, especially during family time like this.  Tim, Jordan, and I took a picture in front of the beach.  The man who so kindly took our picture smiled and said, "what a beautiful little family."  It took a lot from me to not say that we are actually a much bigger family, but no one can see that.

It doesn't matter, though.  Because we know we are a much bigger family.  We are a family in our hearts.  We are complete with them. And no matter where we go, we take them with us.

Bad blogger, bad!

Yes, I am a bad blogger now.

I've been meaning to keep up with this blog, but between Jordan, grad school, working part time, and THE BLACKHAWKS - well, its been a little nuts around here.  I just wanted to drop a note here to say MY BAD.  We are doing well, everything is awesome, and I am posting an update one week from today to chronicle Jordan's very first trip to the zoo AND weekend getaway this weekend. Conner and Benjamin have left us more dimes in unexpected places (for examples, Tim's work jeans that we both checked for change before throwing them into the washer). I hope everyone is well.  I also hope people are still reading... I promise I will do better keeping up this blog!!!  I've also been horrible at keeping up with everyone else's blog posts as well. I actually scheduled time on Monday just to blog and catch up with everyone!  Grandma will be taking care of Jordan for me :)

Also, because I know my peoples...

SHE CAN ROLL OVER NOW!!! 

MOMMY, IS THAT A CAMERA?! Get my good side. 

Weekend Review: Mother's Day and Jordan is BAPTIZED!!!

Mother's Day this year was bittersweet.  Last year, I spent it with my husband missing my boys, grieving over their due date - coincidentally, the day after Mother's Day, waiting to move forward with our FET, waiting for news on whether or not my mom had cancer (she did), and wondering if I would ever get the chance to spend this special day with a baby in my arms. 

This year, I did.  But every Mother's Day for the rest of my life, I will forever be missing two. I will never get over that.

Mother's day this year was pretty, well, boring. We did a whole lotta nada. Ever since I was pregnant with the boys, I always imagined my first Mother's Day would be spent at the zoo.  I wanted to walk around with my babies in their stroller, taking in the spring air, and seeing all the animals.  I knew they would be too young to care about the zoo, but I figured they would love going for the walk.  This year, I wanted to do that with Jordan.  And then, because it's spring, it rained like an asshole all day. So I spent Mother's Day doing laundry. So. Much. Fun.

Mother's Day in the church nursery, visiting her Auntie - the only place we made it to on actual Mother's Day!

Not to say that Mother's Day wasn't great. Jordan got me a spa gift certificate (much, much needed!) and Conner and Benjamin got us tickets to see The Book of Mormon, which we went to see this weekend. Verdict? Highly offensive and freaking hilarious. My kind of good time. I've wanted to go see this since FOREVER.  The writers of South Park did what they always do: entertain, offend, and then, at the end - make a very good point. What if religion is all made up?  Does it even matter? Look at all the good it is doing in the world.

Most importantly, laundry or not, I got to spend the day with Jordan. Everyday with her is a perfect day.

But the best part of the weekend was baptizing my daughter in His Name, welcoming her into the church, and spending the day with our closest 40 family and friends who love Jordan and recognize how special it is that she is here, healthy and happy.

While she was being baptized, I was hit with a wave of emotions. My last two children to get baptized died shortly after. Their baptism was short and bittersweet.  There were no pictures of their baptism, no Godparents present, no church.  They were handed to me and baptized as soon as I could get my arms around them. I only remember their baptism in my mind and heart, and even then - I'm not sure exactly what was said. I only know how grateful I am that they were able to be baptized in the name of the Holy Spirit before they went to heaven.

And here Jordan was, being baptized, in all the pomp and circumstance that these traditions have to offer. Was this real? Thank God it was.

I wondered if she would cry during the baptism, but while she was getting water poured onto her head, she looked around and up at me in wonderment and just let life happen.  This is a very big deal - Jordan is NOT a laid back baby.  I expected tears.  I expected screaming. I was armed with pacifiers in her diaper bag (which goes against my pacifier rules of only letting her have it when she's sucking her thumb or fussy at night). But she smiled and let people hold her and took pictures like a champ.

Then we got to the lunch, and she was hysterical.  My baby does not do well with crowds. She gets overwhelmed very easily. She had her bottle late and took forever to finish it because she was so distracted (and distraught) over the people trying to get her attention. She pooped on her daddy, had to change out of her lunch outfit, and bawled when being changed into her new lunch outfit. Three outfits by 4 pm.  Four outfits, if you include her jammies from this morning. Very impressive. Regardless, she was, of course, the center of everyone's attention. AND she kept saying mama, in front of other people, so now it doesn't sound like I am a total liar.

So many people told us how glad they were to see us so happy. Tim's former captain took the time to remind us of how Conner and Ben had tiny feet, but left big footprints.  He told us that in their log book at th FD, he routinely puts two crosses next to special events that happens - for Conner and Ben. That way, they ride with the guys everywhere they go. They are always with us.

Conner and Ben helped make this day, and we will never forget that.

I'll leave you with obligatory baby pictures :) You didn't think I would end a post without them, did you?

First outfit of the day: baptism dress made by Grandma, used by both her girl cousins before her. New tradition?

Oh, the headband :)

Outfit two, before pooping on daddy

Bottom Layer: confetti cake with raspberry preserves

Top Layer: banana cake with strawberry preserves

On her third outfit of the day

From her Godparents, complete with two blue beads to represent her guardian angels

JORDAN IS THREE MONTHS OLD!!! Someecard Edition

It only took a minute to get her pictures this time with the help of monster doll (as oppose to last month which was a multi-day ordeal).  Also, no way are her feet that big. Her shoes are, though!

THREE MONTHS
Weight: About 11 and a half pounds.  She's gaining weight like a normal baby now instead of trying to play catch up!

Length: Short. According to my many measurements, she's 21 inches. Wtf? Did she not grow? Her jammies  are getting short on her so nothing makes sense right now. 

She's short.   Very short. 

Head: Um... bigger. I'd measure but honestly I'm not even sure if I care that much.
Clothing size: OH MY BLOG.  Seriously. This girl who used to have IUGR, who left the hospital under 5 pounds, is in SIX MONTH PANTS AND SHORTS. Everything else is three months - she has wiggle room in her clothes, but pretty soon the length just won't cut it and she will be in six month everything.
Eye color: Still a dark blue-sh grey.  I love them. I can stare at them all day (I often do).  Here's hoping her eye color doesn't change!

Not the best picture, but you can see her eye color!

Hair: Lightening up, although it is hard to tell. Still dark, dark, dark brown.

Jordan and her monster doll.  She's obviously very confused by the camera flash. 

Pediatrician update: NO MORE TORTICOLLIS!  Thank God.  We still have to do stretches with her for a couple more weeks, but her neck muscles are no longer tight and I only notice her favoring her left side when she is very sleepy.  Repositioning her helps a lot.

EAT

Breastfeeding about every 4 hours.  I don't have her on a set schedule, but rather she is in a good routine everyday.  At night, she can go 6-9 hours without eating (and still wake up happy!).  We are now halfway to 6 month breastfeeding goal. Pretty sure I might go past that goal - I love the bonding time with her.

SLEEP

Passed out while doing tummy time. Defense mechanism, maybe. 

Bedtime is 10:30 pm!!! A GREAT improvement from 1:30 a.m.  She generally gets fussy around 2 am, but is still asleep.  Sometimes she wakes to nurse around 3:30, sometimes she doesn't.  When she does, she's awake just long enough to get a diaper change and nurse and then she is passed out like a college kid on spring break. She wakes up between 6:00 am and 8:00 am, depending on whether or not she got up in the middle of the night to eat.  Quite the accomplishment for someone still so little! However, she is still a LOUD sleeper between 2 am and 4 am so it keeps me awake- not to mention that I have to get up before her to pump. I still very much am a zombie during the day.

LIKES
Weirdly, diaper changes. Maybe because its one of the rare occasions I let her lay on her back instead of her stomach. Maybe its because she has my undivided attention.  Maybe because she thinks it is hilarious that I have to clean her stinky butt.  Probably the latter.

Play mat She goes nuts kicking her piano and swinging at her toys. Plus she really, really likes staring at her ceiling fan. I should probably dust it so we can actually use it.  You know, when it actually starts to stay warm around here.

Boppy Thank you, makers of the Boppy pillow, for making tummy time a little more bearable. I have way too many picture of her on this thing.
Mirror Who's that baby?! ITS JORDAN!!! (cue baby smiles)
Kisses Especially from her turtle and this little monster doll her grandma made for her.  Not so much from people (unless its when she's getting her diaper changed. Again, weirdo).
Baths

Baby. Sunglasses. Enough said. 

"You coming, Jordan?" - Miranda

Walks The perfect naptime inducer.
Her crib She naps in her crib now and I plan on transitioning her there for night time sleep this week. Sometimes she will wake up and just lay there and talk to herself or look around. It makes it a little hard to realize that she woke up!

Her. Stupid. Pacifier.Or wubby, as I call it.  She really, really hated this thing at first (much to my relief).  But then we started noticing her eating her hands... and I realized it would be easier for me later to take her pacifier away than to take away her thumb when she's sucking it. So she gets a pacifier now, but only if she is chewing on her hands during the day or she just won't calm down at night. Of course, she loses the damn thing all the time so its a constant game of putting it in her mouth, her dropping it, crying, me putting it back in, her dropping it, me sighing, etc. etc. etc.

DISLIKES
UGH. Car rides. She likes them when she is sleepy (loves them, actually).  But when she is wide awake?  BIGGEST BABY TANTRUM EVER.  You'd think she was prisoner in her carseat. Oh wait...
Stretches Necessary for her torticollis, but I feel like the most awful mother when I ruin her good mood by doing these stretches with her 5 times a day. She screams the whole time. The thing is, I know they don't hurt her. If she has her wubby, she's totally fine.  If she's half asleep, I swear she smiles at me when I do it. She just hates it when someone makes her do something she doesn't want to do. Like mother, like daughter.
Sitting still It's all good. I have to walk to lose the last few pounds, anyway.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Rolling to her side - she could technically do this when she was born (to the amazement of her nurses), but she is really getting on a roll with it now. Pun intended.
Lifting her head easily - tummy time torture is paying off. She can now go five whole minutes lifting her head without screaming it off.
Talking! Her baby nonsense is the best part of my day, whether its 2 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning.  On Mother's Day, at 4 a.m., I got up to change her diaper then nurse her. Before she started to eat, she rolled on her back and talked to me for awhile.  Then she smiled and rolled back to her side and nursed.  I think she was telling me Happy Mother's Day.

Did she just say mama? For cereal. She says "ma" when she cries (total coincidenc), but the other day she said mama twice while crying. I told her daddy that I swear it's like she's calling for me. He didn't believe me until he picked her up to change her diaper, she cried, said "mama" clear as day ... and then I walked over and her crying stopped.  He's convinced she's calling me now (although no one else believes us). New parenthood goal: get baby to call me mama so everyone else can hear it..

P.S. - this is in her sleep. 

Bringing her hands together Like she's praying, ya'll. All the time. She uses her two hands pushed together to try to get her wubby back in her mouth (and is successful about 30% of the time)
Bearing weight on her legs She loves this. She obviously cannot wait to walk.

Crawling out of her boppy Truth. I even have a video of it. Put her in her boppy, and pretty soon she will be out of it and face planted on the floor.
Reaching for toys  Started a couple of weeks ago. Granted, her movements are uneven and sloppy but even she is amazed that she can do this.

DEAR JORDAN

Dear baby blue eyes,

I am so, so, so in love. We get up in the morning together and my favorite part of the day is changing your diaper at 6 a.m. while you talk to me.  You'll make the cutest baby noises and smile at me the whole time, and often times after I change your diaper you'll continue your baby ramblings while I laugh my butt off. Thank you, God, for this perfect little girl.

You personality is starting to show.  You now LOVE changing your clothes, making you the perfect little model for mommy (who loves to shop for you). Just like when I change your diaper, you look up at me and gurgle at me the whole time.  I recently found out that you are really, really interested in looking at pictures of yourself on my phone.  I don't blame you, you little stinker. You're so adorable. You're starting to let people put you down, which means that you are aware that we aren't actually abandoning you when we aren't holding you. This means I can brush my teeth like a normal human being instead of also trying to balance a wiggly baby in my arms. You still laugh and smile in your sleep, and although you are still fussy, I am convinced that deep down inside you are the happiest baby on the planet.

Me and you, we're a team.  We do everything together - I hold you while I eat, we play together, you watch me frantically fold laundry from the comfort of your swing, and two days ago you even watched The Office with me.  And while this was extremely convenient, I freaked out. You're three months old, babykins.  I can already see myself yelling at you to stop watching tv and do your homework.

You spend time at both of your grandma's houses once every week while mommy works. Whenever I drop you off at their houses, people flood to you. It's like they have been looking forward to seeing you all week.  I get demands for more pictures and videos all the time. My phone recently told me that it was out of storage space. Good thing I've got two other (real) cameras, huh? You should see how people react when they see you - they always say you are so tiny, and your aunt and I laugh because you are more than twice as big as when you were born. You're huge. I can barely keep up with your size changes and neither can my wallet.

You are a champion burper and pooper.  I'm sure someday, you will thank me for posting this on the internet (haha).  But for real, your burps can shake the room.  Where did that came from, little miss? I laugh while I tell you what a good job you did burping.  And your poops - good. Lord.  Let's put it this way: when your grandmas or aunt babysit, they still tell me what big poops you have. They're amazed. And they've all had kids of their own. I've gotten smart and will only buy pants and short that are on clearance because, let's face it, some of these are getting thrown out. Just a couple of days ago, your daddy picked you up and you let out a HUGE EXPLOSIVE POOPY.  You looked at him, eyes wide open, then started looking around wondering where that sound came from.  It was you, sweetheart, it was you. Then you laughed (of course), and we changed your diaper. Thank you for being you, poop and all. Here's to hundreds of diapers more.

I'm looking forward to spending my life full of the love, life, and laughter that is you.

Love you tons, honey buns.
Mommy

BONUS: GO GO BLACKHAWKS!!!

I'll post a Mother's Day post this weekend - as well as her baptism post!!  I've been waiting for what seems like forever to write about this next post :)

International Bereaved Mother's Day

Today I remember that my house is missing two.

Every morning, the first thing I would do when I woke up was say good morning to my sons. After Jordan was born, I started to forget. She would wake me up in the morning by fussing, and my day would begin... now it begins with her. But this morning, for some reason, I remembered. I said good morning to my boys, looked at their picture, and told them I loved them. 

And today is International Bereaved Mother's Day.

To all the mothers who have lost their babies, you are the strongest mothers imaginable. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you are still standing. You are still a mother. Do not let anyone tell you any differently. Sending my love to all of you today.

To my boys in heaven... you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.